ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

I just thought I'd share with you the first poem I ever wrote attempting something resembling metre - sort of, well, maybe not. Anyhows, I got the rhyme bit right! Glenny walked me through it and it was SOOO hard at the time. I did two versions - a long and short version. I wouldn't dream of showing you anything earlier than this - waaay too embarrassing and some after it not too flash either. Please feel free to discuss.

Those first two stanzas are GREAT. Love it.

The second version with syllabic marks, sorry, I believe shows that your struggle to do "correct metre" took away your feel for the rhythm of language ( which is not the same thing as metre ).
It's a bit like artists sketches. Sometimes a little pencil sketch done loosely and on the spot has more life than a "proper " painting worked up in the studio.

Metre is not a scientific formula, I see when I read contemporary rhyme and metre that metre is " flexible ' in modern practice.
C.J.Dennis never varied from strict syllabic metre, Les Murray writes metric verse that pushes the boundaries with variation. Take your pick, as far as I am concerned one is just as good as the other.

Thanks Neville. Believe it or not those marks were in both poems where Glenny was demonstrating syllables and stresses and I have forgotten to remove them. At the time I had no idea about stresses and this was just a tool to demonstrate to a very raw beginner what she was talking about - and it worked because I got what she was on about. (I'll take them out now)

Heather

Sounds like it was a perfect day the way you've poeticized it Heather. I like it very much. Certainly doesn't read like a first attempt.
Wazza

Thanks Wazza. I think this was the version after the tutition. I kinda hoped someone would say I'd improved! Apparently not.