Jesus and his Yoga

[Stephen Whiteside]

Jesus and his Yoga

Jesus went to yoga, on a Thursday, after work.
He reckoned it was really good, a very handy lurk.
It made it even easier to walk upon the water,
And helped him find more loaves and fish for every son and daughter.
The cripple jumped up faster, and the blind man saw more quickly,
And everybody that he touched was generally less sickly.
"I don't know what it is," he said. "I don't know how it's done,
But it makes me more effective and, importantly, it's fun.
I love the gentle music, and I like my little mat.
Thursday night at yoga, mate, is really where it's at!"
One evening he was sitting on the sofa with a beer,
Waiting for the footy at the finals time of year,
When some mug upon the telly said "The Church does not condone
The practising of yoga!" in a very snooty tone.
"It's against all Jesus' teachings. It's immoral and it's wrong.
If people will persist, then we will move them right along."
Well, Jesus nearly spilled his beer. He spluttered "Jesus Christ!
These tenets of the Catholic Church are vastly overpriced!
They get some fancy puffed-up jerk to squak and puff and blow.
If it crosses Jesus' teachings, then I reckon I should know!
I'll write a letter straight away! I'll let them know my mind;
That I find it really helpful as I work to heal the blind;
That the water seems more solid when I've stretched out all my limbs.
It's certainly more useful than those wretched dreary hymns.
Once they know my feelings, things will all be right as rain."
Alas, before he wrote it, he was crucified again.

© Stephen Whiteside 01.09.2014

[Duncan Williams]

Good one Stephen, words sound good when written in verse, enjoyed your poem.


Duncan.

[Stephen Whiteside]

Thanks, Duncan.

[Bob Pacey]

I thought it was a bit rude making fun of Christians and Jesus


Ya know ya gonna go to hell now See ya there Stephen


Bob( The Angel ) Pacey

[Stephen Whiteside]

But not at yoga, Bob...?

[Bob Pacey]

Nooooo mate never !

I had a massage today with Eva in the park had to go to the office cause I left locked the keys in THE JEEP and was walkin down the road in my shorts when I hear all these wolf whistles turn a round and all the oldie shielas are on a veranda having afternoon drinks. They wanted to know if the park was doing a photo shoot for promotion.


Bloody randy old bags they will go to hell as well

Never seen a fit trim bod before


Bob

[Neville Briggs]

At time when we are horrified by people being cruelly killed by beheading, it strikes me that the subject of a man who was publicly executed by crucifixion does not make material for a comical or satirical poem.

[Stephen Whiteside]

Thanks, Matt.

[Neville Briggs]

tragic repitition of a lesson too often taught, yet never learnt.

As the old cliché has it Matt " there are none so blind as those who will not see "

[warooa]

Let's get to the most important question that this poem raises, Doc . . . . which team does Jesus follow

Marty

ps. loved it