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Four Seasons in Passing
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 4:40 pm
by manfredvijars
I guess it's time to put my head on the block.
This is not quite Bush Poetry, I know, but it is hot off the press so feel free to rip it to bits ...
Four Seasons in Passing
(c) 2011 - Manfred Vijars
Re: Four Seasons in Passing
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 5:24 pm
by Heather
That's a beautiful poem Manfred and I like the way you have brought the four seasons into it.
Is it just me, I have trouble with sung, rung and wonder if sang, rang would sound better?? Last line, first stanza,
and love was fast unfolding or
our love was fast unfolding. Just a thought.
Heather
Re: Four Seasons in Passing
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:04 pm
by manfredvijars
Well picked Heather, my incorrect use of 'past participles' - I forgot(or didn't apply) the rules and my result is crap ...
)
I'll edit it now ...
__________________________________________
The unedited segment ....
Oh, how we danced and how we sung
..... our music touched the rafters.
Seeds of affection fully sprung
and in our hearts the music rung
..... for happy ever afters.