The Day Perce Came Camping
Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 10:09 am
The Day Perce Came Camping
When I was a lad, my dear mum and dad
Liked taking us camping at Forster
But mum had a job with a catering mob
To take leave she had to jiggle the roster
Her boss was named Perce, a big man, but worse
Perce was a bit of a tyrant
Didn't want mum to go, but rather than say no
He made another arrangement
See Perce liked to fish, so he granted mum's wish
For a couple of weeks vacation
Provided that she and her whole family
Invated Perce to join in the occasion
Mum had to agree, not entirely happy
About her boss sitting round drinking beers
But visit he did, and were so glad he did
Cause it kept us in stitches for years
You see Perce was so vain, he went to great pains
To ignore his enormous girth
If he ever laid down, his belly was so round
You would swear he was about to give birth
Well he cracked open a beer, and pulled up a chair
The collapsable camping kind
Aluminium framed, and quite aptly named
They tended to collapse all the time
Well the maximum weight that these chairs can take
Is about 12 stone ringing wet
Perce was at least double that in his briefs
Not that I'd want to see that
As he settled back, we heard the chair crack
And the frame buckled under his torso
He sank even further the more that he squirmed
I'd never heard anyone swore so
I guess we were rude, but laughter ensued
and the laughter was clearly infectious
As Perce sank way down, seemed the whole camping ground
was laughing so loud it was raucous
Poor Perce was in pain, the buckling frame
was causing a further outrage
The arms of the chair got buried somewhere
In either side of his rib cage
He let out a whelp, mum rushed to help
But she just couldn't stop herself laughing
Perce struggled for breath, and clasped at his chest
As if he was cardio infarcting
He pleaded and begged but we just laughed instead
It was just so incredibly funny
Not for poor Perce of course, who was getting quite cross
As the tears down his cheeks started running
He was helped to his feet, the chair wedged to his seat
He bent over so dad could extract it
When dad got it off, Perce started to scoff
'Someone before me had obviously cracked it'
Perce didn't stay long, and soon he was gone
Embarrassed and still in some pain
Mum waived him goodbye, and then started to cry
Overcome with her laughter again
So that was our summer, and I still remember
The sight of poor Perce in that chair
And for several days after the sound of our laughter
Was all that the campsite could hear.
Copyright (c) Allan Cropper January 2015
When I was a lad, my dear mum and dad
Liked taking us camping at Forster
But mum had a job with a catering mob
To take leave she had to jiggle the roster
Her boss was named Perce, a big man, but worse
Perce was a bit of a tyrant
Didn't want mum to go, but rather than say no
He made another arrangement
See Perce liked to fish, so he granted mum's wish
For a couple of weeks vacation
Provided that she and her whole family
Invated Perce to join in the occasion
Mum had to agree, not entirely happy
About her boss sitting round drinking beers
But visit he did, and were so glad he did
Cause it kept us in stitches for years
You see Perce was so vain, he went to great pains
To ignore his enormous girth
If he ever laid down, his belly was so round
You would swear he was about to give birth
Well he cracked open a beer, and pulled up a chair
The collapsable camping kind
Aluminium framed, and quite aptly named
They tended to collapse all the time
Well the maximum weight that these chairs can take
Is about 12 stone ringing wet
Perce was at least double that in his briefs
Not that I'd want to see that
As he settled back, we heard the chair crack
And the frame buckled under his torso
He sank even further the more that he squirmed
I'd never heard anyone swore so
I guess we were rude, but laughter ensued
and the laughter was clearly infectious
As Perce sank way down, seemed the whole camping ground
was laughing so loud it was raucous
Poor Perce was in pain, the buckling frame
was causing a further outrage
The arms of the chair got buried somewhere
In either side of his rib cage
He let out a whelp, mum rushed to help
But she just couldn't stop herself laughing
Perce struggled for breath, and clasped at his chest
As if he was cardio infarcting
He pleaded and begged but we just laughed instead
It was just so incredibly funny
Not for poor Perce of course, who was getting quite cross
As the tears down his cheeks started running
He was helped to his feet, the chair wedged to his seat
He bent over so dad could extract it
When dad got it off, Perce started to scoff
'Someone before me had obviously cracked it'
Perce didn't stay long, and soon he was gone
Embarrassed and still in some pain
Mum waived him goodbye, and then started to cry
Overcome with her laughter again
So that was our summer, and I still remember
The sight of poor Perce in that chair
And for several days after the sound of our laughter
Was all that the campsite could hear.
Copyright (c) Allan Cropper January 2015
