Hippie Potion

[Bob Pacey]

Hippie Potion

Now I have to tell you fellas
About the Braham bull I brought
A big loose pizzled type of bull
Yeah mate you know the sort.

I paid 50000 quid for him
Near broke me bank it did.
But you must improve your bloodlines
If your gonna make a quid.

So I put him in the paddock
Just to see what he could do.
But he showed not a stitch of interest
I thought what's a man to do.

So I calls the local vet up
Could he come out straight away?
But he was busy doing surgery
So he'd make the trip next day.

Well he came and checked the bull next day
Then he stopped and scratched his head.
All his tests had come up negative
Well I balked at what he said.

I swore " what do you bloody mean "?
The bull chewed on its cud.
" Have I paid Fifty thousand quid mate?
For a bull that is a dud.

Then he suggested that I lock him up
To try and make his ardour rise.
Three days I locked him in the shed
But I still got no surprise.

Then in sheer frustrating desperation
Cause things were really looking bleak.
I sort assistance from this hippie bloke
Who camped down by the creek.


Now don't you folks misunderstand me
I'm not into drugs and such.
But I panicked and was terrified
Cause the bull had cost so much.

Well he drove up in his panel van
Flowers painted everywhere.
He had a brass ring through his nose
And dreadlocks in his hair.

He was dressed in loose pink swirling robes
With a sash around his thigh.
And the smoke that drifted from the van
Near sent all me kelpies high.

But he seemed a simple sort of bloke
Not boastful brash or slick.
And in a cultured voice he asked
" Now where is this bull that's sick "?

He wandered all around the bull
Flicking scented water from a pail.
I nearly had a fit mate
When he stuck a flower in its tail.

" Perhaps he needs a little help
To get his sex drive back.
I'll just make up a little bit
Of herbal aphrodisiac.

I took the bottle from him
I really don't know why I did.
It might have only held 3 mlls
But he charged four hundred quid.

The bright and coloured combi
Left with a bouncy swaying motion.
While I stood and gazed in disbelieve
Did I really buy this bloody potion?

But I was not game to dose the bull
In case it made him sick.
Still I had to test the potion out
To see if it would do the trick.

Then I got this great idea
I'd first try it on the farmyard cat.
To make sure it was safe to use
I'd dose the bull then after that.

So I gave the cat just half a ml
But it sat with a vacant stare.
Then all at once its eyes flashed bright
And it sprang into the air

There was terror in the farmyard
And with a hip thrusting frenzied dance.
Our poor old aged kelpie bitch
It never stood a bloody chance.

Our little Shetland pony
Tried to shake it off its back.
Then it tried to mount the wallaby
Penned in the yard out back.

It flew straight into the cook pen
Feathers every where did soar.
I watched that sex crazed kitten
But I won't eat eggs no more.

For half and hour it kept it up
A look of lust glowed in its eye.
Then it made a beeline straight for me
And it latched onto my thigh.

I had to put the bastard down
There was no other way to stop it.
But I swear it was still thrusting
As I threw it in the pit.


Well that was good enough for me
We put the bull into the yard.
Then herded all the cows in
And latched the gate up hard.

I dosed the bull with just one ml
To see what it would arouse.
The change was instantaneous
As he tore into the cows.

Two hundred flaming head mate
Bolted round the yard in fear.
I stood and watched his antics
With a grin from ear to ear.

At church on Sunday morning
I met up with Billy Knight.
He knew the problem that I had
And how I'd tried to solve my plight.

That potion worked a treat I said
That bull is just so grand.
I'll soon be charging heaps of dough
At stud for him to stand.

That hippie blokes fantastic
I reckon he was heaven sent.
Four hundred bucks for just 3 mill
But worth ever flaming cent.

What was in the potion?
Jack enquired in disbelief
What mix of herbal remedies
Could provide such great relief.

I said "I don't know what the mixture was
He would not even give the slightest hint.
But Jack I said the strange thing is
It tastes a bit like peppermint".

Bob Pacey

[Terry]

Good one Bob, did the wife suddenly up and leave home?

Cheers Terry

[Heather]

Bob you're a worry! Half way through I was thinking that at least you didn't take it!

And then I got to the end! Does it have a blue colour too?

Heather

[r.magnay]

...I've heard 'em all before Bob, but not told like you tell 'em!....

[Heather]

Bob you will have to come to the Laggan Symposium - we need you to entertain us.

Heather

[Bob Pacey]

Ah Terry women are such fearful creatures.

Heather i started writing this and then heard it as a joke inbetween poems but I think it comes up much better as a poem itself.

Ross a lot of the poem I write are based on stories or jokes I heard when i used to travel out west so there is a good chance that they have been around a while.

Oh Heather just about got A Garden On The Wall down pat and i think it will go ok thanks.


Gotta check my lotto might be able to retire.

Cheers Bob

[r.magnay]

....it's all good Bob, most times the stories you tell are good enough that they are not familiar until the punch line, by then I am already laughing! Some people can spin a yarn some are hopeless...yours are good so keep 'em coming! It is great to keep things light, there always seems to be too much doom and gloom, poor bugger me, fire and flood and sad stories told in bush poetry...(Bit like counrty music...lyin' cryin' and dyin')...I love to have a bit of light hearted stuff to start the day!

[Dave Smith]

I don’t get it what peppermint smelling blue pills.

TTFN

[william williams]

Er Dave Is that that Tablet you put ander your tongue wwheenn yyoouurr hhaavveeiinngg aa ---- aangginna

bbiilll wwwu