You Bastard
Most countries have a language that suits them to a tee
They're unique and you can tell em straight away.
But Australia has a mixture made from all around the world
and you really have to watch out what you say.
To a newchum it’s confusing and is very hard to grasp
and to get it wrong can cause a lot of pain.
Cause our favourite word is “Bastard” so I’ll show ya how it fits
cause it can really make ya go right off ya brain.
Well you can call yourself a “Bastard” and no one else will mind
Or a mate can call you one and it’s not mean .
So it’s ok to greet a mate that you’ve not seen for quite a while
with a “Gidday Ya Bloody Bastard How Ya Been?”
But there’s a difference I can tell ya and some Bastards take offence
so take care that you really get it right.
For if you call a bloke a “Proper Bastard” when he is not around
be prepared next time ya meet to have a fight.
The degree of Bastards differ so a “Poor Harmless Bastards” good
or a “Poor Demented Bastard” hasn’t got a clue.
You will find the levels change between the Bastards that you meet
so be careful not to get into a blue.
You could meet a “ Stingy Bastard” when ya drinking down the pub
he’s the one who never ever shouts a beer.
or a “ Pommie Bastard” is a gentlemen from England we all know
tight as a fishes arsehole never fear.
They might be a “Stupid Bastard” or “ Not A Bad Poor Bastard “too
and you will find no honour will be lost..
But the Bastard they refer to as “That Bastard” really is
and he should be avoided at all cost.
Then there is one bloke you don’t want in the circle of ya mates
cause he will only get ya into strife.
and that’s a “Useless Bludging Bastard” who won’t work to earn a quid
and ya never let that Bastard near ya wife.
So until ya get the lingo tread with caution when ya speak
or a “Know All Bastard” tag will make you glum.
And that’s a Bastard who knows nothing and will have no mates at all.
and a simple “ Poor Dumb Bastard” you’ll become.
Bob Pacey (C)
