ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Be A Man And Have The Test

Mate I'd had this bit of trouble
There was something not quite right
I was going to the toilet
All through the bloody night.

And I couldn't pee when I got there
Ah well only just a trickle.
I'd go back to bed then I'd be up again
I was really in a pickle.

So I went to see my doctor
To check on what was wrong.
I've only just turned fifty-nine
And I'm still feeling fit and strong.

"Now your at an age" ! the doctor said.
"Where things can start to fail
We better check on everything
So hop up on the scale".

"Your a little overweight" he says
Things were looking pretty grim
"You'll have to cut down on the grog"
Mate I've got news for him.

He poked me and he prodded me
He made me cough and hack
And take my deepest bloody breath
While he listened to me back.

My blood pressure, he checked that out
With this thing around my arm.
"We'll check your blood for sugar
It can't do any harm".

Well things were going great mate
I'd started to get dressed
Then he said he'd have to do
A bloody prostate test.

"Lay here on the couch"! he says
My rear was all extended
I know now how those players felt
When Hopoate got suspended.

He stuck his finger in my date
It sent my sensors reeling
I jumped so high when he wriggled it
I left claw marks in the ceiling.

He pushed again and felt around
Said things felt pretty stable
He said I might feel like a pee
But I'd just done it on the table.

I'm sure that he was smiling
As I crawled further up the bench
I though, there's got to be a better way
My cheeks began to clench.

He said "a P.S.A. in blood test
Is a surer way of telling
This is just a nice quick way
To check for any swelling".

I couldn't get my strides up quick enough
I left skid marks on the floor
I'm sure I heard him laughing
As I bolted out the door.

Well they took me blood and checked it out
My P.S.A. was one point three
and my bladder was infected
See that's why I couldn't pee.

They say I must get tested once a year
So things are looking pretty grim
But I won't be going back again
At least mate not to him.

See I've found this lady doctor
Her hands are smaller than the rest
If they have to check me prostate
I might as well enjoy the bloody test.



Bob Pacey ( C )

Soon as I saw the title I knew where you were going, you're a bloody rabbit Robert!...

My doctor told me there was a very god test for prostate called " the silver stallion " I'm still thinking about that I have the blood test for the time being.

You big bloomin' sooks! Have a baby why don't you! Having a little finger prodded where the sun don't shine is the least of your problems. Don't be so precious. It's over in a minute and it might save your life.

Bobo I'm sure you have posted this before. Better write one about losing your memory!

Heather

Oh Heather, there is a couple of lines there about having a baby....but I don't think I want to go there.

You reckon it is not a problem hey ! This is an assult on our manhood and i reckon the doctor enjoys seeing us squirm. I do not think I have posted it since the site was updated is there anyway to check. oh hell it is like a good wine and only gets better with age anyway.

Bloody women a few grunts and a squeeze and the babies out Just think of all the trauma we had to go through to reproduce and it's harder when you have to put a spout on it. !!!


Try and catch me screams Bob as he vanishes into the distance. >>>>>>>>>


Yahoo

More of a man to have it done than not to.

I'd like to see you line up with enthusiasm for your bi-annual pap smear Bobbo! Baring your all to the world (and the cold air) -very undignified and slightly uncomfortable, not to mention highly embarrassing. I remember when I worked in the bank (many moons ago) that the sister of a girl I worked with was diagnosed with cervical cancer; she was only 23. I was probably 24 or 25 at the time. I've make sure I haven't missed one since. There are many more embarrassing tests but I won't go there (just yet) but all intended to save lives.

Four babies later, one a breach and none with pain killers. I don't think you can tell me about having babies Bobbo!

Heather

...I kept putting it off for a couple of years....I was worried that I might enjoy it.....then what?




Fortunately I didn't!

You posted it on 19th Feb, Bob, but you've given it a new name. It was called "The Test".

Are you testing us?

That is to long ago for me to remember ! how did you check that or is it only a MODERATOR who can do that.

I have another version which I perform but it is not mine.


You are right must be the brain going.

Heather I would not swap with you girls for any money in the world. hang on four babies and you are only 30 quick ring the guiness book of records >

I find if you make it fun it is a bit of an ice breaker and the guys I talk to tend to get the message.


Cheers Bob