FRIENDS AND NEIGHBOURS
I had a neighbour living next to me - a floozy little tart,
if you were being kind you’d say her backside matched her heart
which was big - because she always seemed to take in waifs and strays;
the blokes you find hanging round bars – those who’d seen better days.
We weren’t what you would call good friends – I didn’t like her much.
Found her somewhat rough you see – lacking the genteel touch.
She’d sometimes stop here for a chat – I felt she wanted more
though I was always quite polite – she’d not pass through my door..
You know the type of bird I mean – they have them in each town.
Their dulcet tones are dulcet not – they scream, throw things around.
They wear a belt of leather masquerading as a skirt
and vitriol pours from their lips making your eardrums hurt.
Her kids are little hoodlums though she thinks they’re rather sweet.
Does she not see them smoking dope upon the city streets?
They’re loud, rude and obnoxious – but who is their example?
Meet her. You’ll be in no doubt that her friendship you won’t sample.
Well now I just have to tell you – this is a mystery to me,
she’s popped up here on Face book just as friendly as can be.
She says she wants to be my friend. I’m just a tad surprised.
I’m thinking not bloody likely mate – you are the booby prize.
It seems she’s found some sucker out there who she plans to wed.
Have no idea where he fits in – so many shared her bed.
She’d been married before I know, maybe just once or twice
and she said she’d like more babies - Oh, and a husband would be nice.
The Government is paying out big time for such as she
who young and foolish seem to flaunt fertile fecundity.
She thought a big plasma TV would really be just dandy.
She just had to get up the duff – Her eyes were on Reg Landy.
Reg Landy is a local bloke – some say thick as two planks;
but he’ll always help a mate out and never expects thanks.
But I fear he’s somewhat simple in the art of womanly wiles
and I doubt he’d know for sure if she was carrying his child.
She wondered on her Face book page could someone make a cake,
they were trying to keep costs down and she knew not how to bake.
It crossed my mind uncharitably that this was aimed at me
for my fruit cakes win the best of show each year – they’re good you see.
But I was not volunteering – I am not a silly bunny
and I hope no invitation comes – don’t want to outlay money
on wedding gifts and showers and wishing her the best
when I cheered to see this family evicted from their nest.
But it has me somewhat curious – though I will not investigate
as to why she is on Face book saying I’m her long lost mate.
God I barely know the woman – just helped her out once or twice
in the early days before discovering she wasn’t one bit nice.
I hope you don’t think that I’m narky – for I’m not I have to say.
Though I could be, and I should be, for she lured my man away.
Though in retrospect I reckon they both got what they deserved.
She is single – he is single – but my sanity is preserved.
For I’d come to the conclusion long before she came to town
that the fellow that I lived with was in fact bringing me down.
He was a boozer, womanizer, a high flying bag of tricks
who was spending all my money – I was giving him the flick.
So this girl did me a favour – though I wouldn’t call her friend;
think from Face book I’ll erase her – I won’t answer – that should end
any more communication that she wants to have with me.
Friends are friends and neighbours - neighbours. She is not my cup of tea.
Maureen Clifford © 01/11