Secret poem! Shhhh

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mummsie
Posts: 1062
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:33 am
Location: Tumut, NSW

Secret poem! Shhhh

Post by mummsie » Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:59 am

This poem is having a holiday! :lol: 8-)
Last edited by mummsie on Tue Nov 22, 2011 8:06 am, edited 6 times in total.
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.
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Maureen K Clifford
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Secret poem

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 am

Hi Sue

Is enwend a word???? Wend certainly is but unwend...I don't think is - I could be wrong though.

You could perhaps try

At smoko on that final day, his story would unwind
as he poured his heart out to his friend. The one he'd leave behind.

Just a thought

Really love the poem it is very sensitive and a story very beautifully told. Thank you Sue

Cheers

Maureen
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/


I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.
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mummsie
Posts: 1062
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:33 am
Location: Tumut, NSW

Re: secret poem

Post by mummsie » Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:45 am

Thanks Maureen for pointing that out and for taking the time to read.
Me and my english!!! :oops: I have made an adjustment which I think suits, and still keeps it as my own. Thanks again.

Cheers
Sue
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.
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Maureen K Clifford
Posts: 8154
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Location: Ipswich - Paul Pisasale country and home of the Ipswich Poetry Feast
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Re: secret poem

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Wed Nov 16, 2011 11:46 am

Good on you Sue that works really well

Cheers

Maureen
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/


I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.
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william williams

Re: "secret poem

Post by william williams » Wed Nov 16, 2011 1:31 pm

Con Grats Sue She's alright

Bill the old battler
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mummsie
Posts: 1062
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:33 am
Location: Tumut, NSW

Re: secret poem

Post by mummsie » Wed Nov 16, 2011 4:55 pm

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment Bill.
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.
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Terry
Posts: 3394
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2010 6:53 pm

Re: secret poem

Post by Terry » Wed Nov 16, 2011 5:20 pm

Hi Sue,
A excellent story.
Your writing is coming along in leaps and bounds.

Terry
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mummsie
Posts: 1062
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:33 am
Location: Tumut, NSW

Re: secret poem

Post by mummsie » Wed Nov 16, 2011 6:30 pm

Thank you Terry, I'm trying hard to improve. As a matter of fact, that is the first time I have attempted a verse with any length, usually I struggle with the story line and the syntax, but there is another story. Thank you for commenting.

Cheers
Sue
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.
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Heather

Re: secret poem

Post by Heather » Wed Nov 16, 2011 8:12 pm

Held me to the end Sue. Doing great! :)

Heather :)
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Bob Pacey
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Re: "secret poem

Post by Bob Pacey » Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:13 pm

Always takes an effort Sue but it is always worth it.


I will admit I'm hard to hold and tend to speed read a bit but this has come up ok.



Chers Bob
The purpose in life is to have fun.
After you grasp that everything else seems insignificant !!!
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