The Worst Aussie Insult

[Neville Briggs]

If you call a Spaniard a bastard and he attacks you and wounds you or even kills you, he can be aquitted of a criminal offence on the grounds that the insult to his mother's honour is an unbearable provocation.
If you call a Frenchman " salle boche " or call a Muslim " kaffir " you had better run because they will be after you with a vengeance.
What about Aussies ?


THE WORST AUSSIE INSULT


In the Aussie colloquial banter
I've been heckled and jeered by the worst.
Some suggested my parents weren't married,
some lampooned my physique; some just cursed.

I admit, I have troublesome failings;
when I really upset apple-carts
it would seem that I bear a resemblance
to some old working girl's private parts.

Yes, I'm not a fine tireless worker,
I've neglected some things that need doing
and I have to accept that these faults
justly earn me some hissing and booing.

I'm a pelican, pain and a pig,
a galah, billy goat, silly goose,
and at times they apply adjectives
of some gross scatalogical use.

My thick hide can deflect most of these,
even turning the cheek can be done
but there's one unforgivable jibe;
reprehensibly second to none.

You may call me a dill or a bastard,
you can say ; what a dopey old codger,
but I'll smack you and whack you and bash you
if you dare to go calling me...BLUDGER !!

[Heather]

Good one Neville. You must get called some nice names too though - I hope...

Heather

[Stephen Whiteside]

How do you know so much about all these 'international' insults, Neville, you old bludg...tosser?

[Neville Briggs]

Heather. My children and grandchildren are always polite and complimentary.

Mainly the people I had to deal with in tense situations, let fly with those things. I didn't worry about it greatly because I realised that a lot of people who got into trouble and spoke like that didn't know any other way of expressing themselves ( for various reasons )
I was always unfavourable to the actions of police who arrested people for " bad language " against police officers, just seemed absurd to me.

One of the most hilarious ones I remember was when a burly cop tried to nab a woman, who retorted " get your hands off me, you Jenny Craig drop-out "

Stephen. The Spanish one I learned in legal studies at Uni. The French one I learnt from a friend who was of French descent. The Muslim one I learnt from a South African friend.
I wouldn't dare put them to the test. Wouldn't want to anyway.

Marty. I saw an Aussie bloke get called a bludger once, and boy ! did he fire up. I always remembered that scene.

[Glenny Palmer]

Bonzaaa! Well done, 'Mr Pedantic'....you sure shook that label off here.

Cheeers
Glenny

[Neville Briggs]

Thanks Glenny

[Maureen K Clifford]

My Dad never took kindly to being called a Pommie Bastard when we first came here - he was always ready for a blue until he came to get a grip on the Aussie lingo.

[Zondrae]

My bit,

The Italians, for some unknown reason, really object to 'stupido'. Yes just call them stupid and they get very upset. There must be something lost in translation because we don't put the same importance on being called stupid.
They are more likely to cast aspersions on someone' s mother (or sister) than to cast doubt on their intelligence.

[Neville Briggs]

I think Zondrae these things relate to matters of honour. I guess honour means different things to different nations.


You reminded me of one of my favourite jokes done in The Goons.
In one show Neddy ( Harry Secombe ) says " Don't worry about Eccles, he's a bit s.t.u.p.i.d. "
" Eccles (Spike Milligan) shouts " I heard that ! I heard that !.......and it's a good thing I can't spell. "

[Glenny Palmer]

Ah Neville thank you! Despite having discovered 'The Goons' later in life, (as I did most things....sigh...)I absolutely love them. Especially Spike Milligan. I think their humour was some of the best ever written. One quip I heard from them was:....one of them was stuck up in a tree in the jungle, & another one of them shouted 'Jump man, jump! The ground will break your fall.' I wonder if their shows are still available...?

Hope you had a bonza Christmas.

Cheeers
Glenny