The Lonely Widow

[Terry]

G/day Sue,
I have also suffered from not polishing my poems well enough in the past; the urge to move on to the next one was ever present.
Like Zondrae I think you have the makings of a very good poem but it still needs a bit of work. A thing that works for me is to go through the poem stanza by stanza and see if you can find the odd word here and there that enhances your poem and helps it flow a little better, it's not that far of the mark as it is..

I know what you're capable of Sue and like what I've seen, so hope you don't mind me making this comment

Regards Terry

[mummsie]

Thank you Neville and Terry. I see all feedback as positive Terry,and coming from such a talented writer as yourself, I am chuffed to think you've taken the time to read and comment, you to Neville.
I've now made a promise to myself to polish before I post. {God.... have I got that much Mr Sheen }

It was wonderful meeting up with you and all the other members in Tamworth, a very memorable trip. Enjoy your time in Canberra Terry, stay safe.

Cheers
Sue

[Trisha Patterson]

Hi Sue,
Nice, gentle imagery that leads you into the night. Well done.
Trish

[Maureen K Clifford]

Oh Sue - I hope my comment wasn't considered a pot shot as that was not it's intent at all - merely the connotation of a night owl as

a term used to describe a person who tends to stay up until late at night -

and to the best of my knowledge in the feathered variety there is no such thing as a night owl per se but Powerful owls we have a plenty

[Zondrae]

G'day everyone,

Now when I said 'pot shots' I was in no way referring to 'shooting something down', nor the poem in which I made the comment. More likely my meaning was 'pointing out the holes', so they can be darned. And I am old enough to still remember how to darn. Also it was more a reference to how I used to feel when I posted something. These days I have developed the necessary 'hide like a rhino' and can either take heed of comments of (metaphorically) thumb my nose at them.
I am always delighted to take advice from those whom I know, from both experience and results, write far better poems and far more gooder English even, than me. Sometimes I can read the writin' but I can't write the readin'.( if you know what I mean). and as for that punch-you-ah-shun stuff; well it's got me stuf.... uuhh stumbling all over me keyboard. Better get on with it.

My neck seems to be almost normal. Thanks for all the good wishes.

[Terry]

Hi Sue,

Don't let an odd comment from me put you off.

I probably don't know what I'm talking about anyway.

Cheers Terry

[Glenny Palmer]

Sue, this is a stunning piece! You will have us all standing in line behind you soon. Really lovely. I like it so much & believe it absolutely is worthy of that 'polishing'.....that I couldn't help myself ... & have PM'd you a few thoughts...being as how I don't like to display unsolicited advice. Let me know what you think, but remember ALWAYS that this is YOUR poem & you must do with it as YOU wish.

What Neville was talking about was 'Active Speech', as against 'Passive Speech'. The 'Active' has so much more impact & you have used it excellently here...eg...'powered by'...great stuff. I'd be 'powering' this one into a comp pronto if I were you...after it's polished to it's best.

xx Glenny......(being a 'night owl' myself now that I've blastedwell woken up from my attack of narcolepsy on the couch. Thought 'I'll just have a peek at the site on my way up to bed'...yeah right.)

[mummsie]

Thank you Glenny.
Your comments are very much appreciated as are your suggestions. I have PM'd you with my thoughts.
We should never take for granted the help that people like yourself offer on this site. I, for one, am very grateful.

Cheers
Sue

[Heather]

Sue you just remember that copyright sign OK?

[David J Delaney]

G'day Sue, really enjoyed this & looking forward to the 'polished' version if this one is anything to go by, I too love Owl's, they have always had a 'mystical' appeal to me, I used one in one of my earlier poems...........

"White flash startles me from a trance—
Was this owl an omen, a greater spirit’s will?"