Free verse

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manfredvijars

Re: Free verse

Post by manfredvijars » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:17 pm

... line breaks do not a poem make ... :lol:

Your mother called it "doing the pressing," and you know now how right she was. There is something urgent here. Not even the hiss under each button or the yellow business ground in at the neck can make one instant of this work seem unimportant. You've been taught to turn the pocket corners and pick out the dark lint that collects there. You're tempted to leave it, but the old lessons go deeper than habits. Everyone else is asleep. The odor of sweat rises when you do under the armpits, the owner's particular smell you can never quite wash out. You'll stay up. You'll have your way, the final stroke and sharpness down the long sleeves, a truly permanent edge.

manfredvijars

Re: Free verse

Post by manfredvijars » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:23 pm

... contrasting with one of my own ....

And at each turn in the journey that we faced together, you taught me more than I knew about my deepest inner senses. I embraced your soft sweet gentle teachings and I grew. Could not have come this far alone. Giving, for no other reason than, "it's what you do" (and not because you have to). So when sometimes I fell you would forgive and not hang onto 'hurts' to use - to keep me low. You filled my heart, yes 'You' alone.

Journeying these last miles of our lives I thought that we would travel them together, but you slipped into the Silver Night. Oh sweet Consort - my Queen, I'm left here with the deepest cut. I'm lost and empty - so alone.







Alone
(April 2010)

And at each turn in the journey that we faced
together, you taught me more than I knew
about my deepest inner senses. I embraced
your soft sweet gentle teachings and I grew.
Could not have come this far alone.

Giving, for no other reason than, "it's what
you do" (and not because you have to). So
when sometimes I fell you would forgive and not
hang onto 'hurts' to use - to keep me low.
You filled my heart, yes 'You' alone.

Journeying these last miles of our lives I thought
that we would travel them together, but
you slipped into the Silver Night. Oh sweet Consort -
my Queen, I'm left here with the deepest cut.
I'm lost and empty - so alone.
---

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Maureen K Clifford
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Re: Free verse

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:33 pm

I'm almost inclined on those two exercises to say 'you win' Mannie - but :lol: :lol: but :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: damn :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: nope - not going to happen :o the words just wont come out :shock:
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/


I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.

Neville Briggs
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Re: Free verse

Post by Neville Briggs » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:37 pm

[quote="manfredvijars"]... line breaks do not a poem make ... :lol:
quote]
I don't think that can be said Mannie. Line breaks show the structure of the metre.In the usual bush verse style, line breaks come at regular intervals, plus the usual end rhyming sets up a sort of musical expectation.
The difference in the so-called free verse is that the writer is less structured in metre and the line breaks are more subjectively chosen to suit the mood.

Mannie, the example you have given falls completely flat written out in paragraphs. With the line breaks, it has a subtle rhythm which makes it poetic. I think anyway.
You have done exactly what I did with Paterson's. The effect is the same and shows the importance of line breaks.
I don't think it is valid just to analyse the poem as a piece of script, poems are meant to be said out loud. If the poem about ironing is read out loud in paragraphs then with the slight pauses at the line breaks , you should find an entirely different feel to the piece.

Our old mate Bill Williams for all his concern about metre, certainly understands the paramount importance of pauses and line breaks.

You don't have to say it Maureen :lol: speaking for myself, I'm not interested in winning I just have a passion for understanding the true nature of poetic expression.

If only I could do it... :cry: :roll:
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

manfredvijars

Re: Free verse

Post by manfredvijars » Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:18 pm

Mausie, as Nevvie says, it's not about 'winning'. This is robust discussion.

I would suggest that the piece about ironing was written out in paragraph form initially without any regard to metre. Aside from line-breaks, I don't see ANY poetic devices there, no metaphor, not even simile, no alliteration and most definitely no rhyme. At best, it's a simple documentary. Lazy, lazy - lazy!!! She would have been better off preparing a shopping list.

My piece, "Alone" is no literary masterpiece. It is simply an exercise in writing 'perfect' rhyme and 'perfect' metre such that when read out loud, you would be hard pressed to recognise the rhyming.
Mission accomplished??

The simple test for 'lazy writing would be for a third party to read it to a blind person, then ask them if it's poetry.

It could be argued that the author should read their piece. Well if the author doesn't want others to read their works - don't publish ... :?

william williams

Re: Free verse

Post by william williams » Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:21 pm

Well here I go thanking every body for their help Manfred, Neville, Maureen, Glenny and David and others. Now not everybody can grasp what is meant in written words of help whether by not understanding what is written or otherwise. I know you all mean well, but there are a number of us that have to race to a dictionary to see what that word means. (bloody Latin? or some other foreign word) now after a while one gets tired of reaching for the dictionary and mentally you say to bloody hell with it as it crowds our thoughts.

BUT there is one person who I must thank. It is Manfred he rang me and through audio instructions to me, hopefully helped me understand the complexity of speech this is something that I do not hear myself. This I hopefully will be able to explain to you. Fifty plus years ago when my speech pattern was still being formed. I lived with the natives for they worked and lived with me and their speech was rather a sing song orientated style. And as such I never realized that my speech though it was modulated I mentally did not dissect the words as done in metric fashion and as such I now have to go back to school to teach myself this and solve the dilemma. But if possible could an audio be made to help people like myself to understand metre better. Written may help but if one moves the comma or does not use the words that some can understand written does not always help.

BILL WILLIAMS THE OLD BATTLER

David J Delaney

Re: Free verse

Post by David J Delaney » Sat Mar 24, 2012 9:51 pm

Rhyme WILL & always WILL BE my 1st love, the other forms I like to write because they are a challenge to ME & not to impress the academic set & as I said free verse to me is a very short story, I haven't a clue what I'm doing right with my free verse but it obviously impresses the city toffee nosed set re: the couple of awards I have received for my said free verse, the huge percetage of my poetry is rhyme, but I do enjoy the challenge of other forms. :D

Neville Briggs
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Re: Free verse

Post by Neville Briggs » Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:49 am

william williams wrote: But if possible could an audio be made to help people like myself to understand metre better
I think that this is a project that could be worthwhile for the APBA to pursue.
Any takers ???

Who would be interested in acquiring such a thing ?
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

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DollyDot
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Re: Free verse

Post by DollyDot » Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:00 pm

Neville

Pick me!

People look at you when you say 'But I can't hear the hard and soft sounds and the rythym.' I can hear other people's when it is is not quite right or really out of whack but I seem to internalise my own writing. I hope I'm improving but I really have to work at it.

Dot

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Glenny Palmer
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Re: Free verse

Post by Glenny Palmer » Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:20 pm

.....does this one count..?

EMPTY © Glenny Palmer

Empty…
what are you?

Echoes, whispers, shadows,
memories, sadness, void?

What sustains you?

Lonliness, pain, distress,
confusion, loss?

What defeats you?

I am so full of you...I can’t begin to imagine.
The purpose of my life is to serve as a warning to others.

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