Driftwood Dreaming

[Heather]

Everyone will have a different opinion Kym. At the first reading I thought I would have liked another verse with the sea in it rather than the driftwood - or leave it off and have the second last stanza as the conclusion.

However, reading it again I think having a different tone to the last stanza grabs the reader's attention, which is something you want for a conclusion. I think it is good as is and has a haunting tone to it.

Heather

[Maureen K Clifford]

Didn't bother me at all Kym - I liked it - thought it a great ending actually

Cheers

Maureen

[Jasper Brush]

g'day Kym,


A true craftperson.

You have tremendous talent,Kym.


John

[Kym]

Thanks everyone for your opinions. It doesn't sound as though anyone was bothered by it, so I think I'll leave it how it is. I like it being different, it gives it an unfinished feeling (cos the poor bloke's doomed to wandering the beach forever).

Thanks again,

Kym.

[David J Delaney]

Brilliant Kym & love the last verse, it really is a superb ending.

[Neville Briggs]

I thought it was very well done Kym. There's no law handed down from a sacred mountain that requires every line to have the same metric structure. I wish some of our bush poet judges would accept that.
Though I think that if variations like trochaic substitutions are used they should be carefully considered and placed for a required effect i.e. emphasis. ( that's not a criticism of yours, just a general remark ) Variations can iven up the poetry, save it from becoming a sort of tedious drum beat .
In the end I suppose it depends on what you are writing and what suits the mood and theme. I think yours suits the mood and theme very well.


Neville

[Irene]

Hi KYm
There's not much to say about this poem, except 'an absolutely brilliant piece of work!!!'
The difference in the last stanza was not out of place at all.
Loved it!!

Catchya
IRene

[Zondrae]

G'day Kym,

I have been looking at several of 'the Masters' while preparing for this Summer School. Have you ever noticed the way CJ Dennis has laid out 'A Song of Rain'? It has alternating stanzas of different patterns. and if you have 'looked at' (rather than read or listened to,) Lawson's 'Faces In The Street', it has seven lines in each stanza and line five and six are exceedingly short. (naturally in both cases every stanza is the same) And my copy of 'Clancy' has a row of stars in two places directing the action from the bush to the city and back again.

What I am saying is..... it is your baby, dress it as you want it dressed and hope everyone in the future uses Joe's interpritation of 'coypright' and does just that - copy it right (as written)

[Bellobazza]

G'day Kym...
Apart from simply enjoying the poem for itself, I would award you one of those gold star thingies that used to be available on the "old" site if I could. It's terrific to see contributors like yourself, Mad Mick, Hully and others offering variations from the "formulaic". The "change-up" in the last stanza is very effective in my opinion.

Cheers, Will.

[thestoryteller]

Always pleasant to read one of Kym's poems.


Merv.