The Golfer

[Bob Pacey]

The Golfer

I've always been a sportsman really, oh yes the skills I have are many
and I feel so sad for those of us who were born devoid of any.
Oh at football and at tennis my prowess is renown
a good winner but now loosing I accept without a frown.

But there is one sport I love the most I find I'm yet to master
I really must admit it, yes my golf is a disaster.
No matter how I practice, from morning until late
when I hit that little white ball the bastard won't go straight.

I've purchased all the videos and have lots of books to please
but videos can't help me once I've hit into the trees.
And just don't mention water, cause that's where I do me dash
the only saving grace is that it makes a lovely splash.

Those bunkers just attract me all the holes show where I've been
sixteen shots it took me once to get the ball onto the green;
And once I'm there a whole new set of trouble starts to roll
I can take another five or six to get it in the hole.

I'm sure that trees all love me, they caress my ball with glee
and God help any players who get caught in front of me.
Hooks and slices, highs and lows I think I've hit them all
and brand new clubs are useless if you can't hit the bloody ball.

But just when I'm all devoid of hope I hit one shot, don't hook or pull it
straight down the middle does it fly just like a speeding bullet.
My partners they all clap and cheer the best shot they've ever seen
they pat me on the back as my ball rolls onto the green.

That's the shot that brings me back to hack and slog each Sunday
but if it wasn't for the company I'd give the game away.
I play for relaxation really, just to let my nerves unjangle
but the dogs now hide when I get home since one I tried to strangle.

I've hit balls into trucks and houses, lovely drives but what a ding
and I've had every golfers nightmare, missed the ball on the first swing .
But still I'm out there every week, with every shot my mood gets blacker
Cause I'm trying to play like Tiger Woods when I'm really just a
" Hacker. "

Bob Pacey ( C )

[Neville Briggs]

I saw a cartoon once which depicted two golfers on the golf course in the pouring rain, they were looking up at a plane and one was saying " crazy fool, flying in this weather "

[Ron]

Mmm,
Thanks Bob you've described my game to a tee!
I once shot an 86 at the local course and thought you beauty, I've got this game by the short and curlies, never got near it again, in fact I think the next time out it was a 100+ something
Ron

[Bob Pacey]

Just some of the fun I had in my early days golfing, 16 shots out of the bunker too true I can still remember it clearly, wiped the rear view mirror off the truck that was lopping the trees on course and the buggers would not move the truck for my next shot so I had to cop a penalty.

Put the ball so far off course on the first tee at Bundy that it landed in someones back yard, I still reckon i could have recovered it but the bloody dog in the yard was a bit big.


Bob

[keats]

Hit an Eagle on the Par 4 6th at Bagara Golf course first time I played there. Was also the first time I had to bury an Eagle to hide it from the Wildlife Officer.

[Peely]

The only birdie I ever hit playing golf was a plover. Knocked it out cold in a lunch time nearest the pin when I was working down in Ballarat (true story).

[Bob Pacey]

Sounds like I'm not alone in the golfing stakes


The only game where you can hit the ball yell four ! take six and write down three !


Hey sounds like a golf game should be incorporated into future poetry festivals or comps and raise money for some charity ???


Bob.

[r.magnay]

I think Winston Churchill had the game sorted out, he described it as "a good walk spoiled!"

[Ron]

Played at Wentworth Falls one time and one bloke in the group hit a poor unfortunate duck right up the rear end, his dilemma then was whether to score it as a birdie or a hole in one! (true story!)
Yeah Bob, a good scorer will beat a good player any day!

[Bob Pacey]

What a bloody nightmare played this same course today hit 115 my worse score for twenty years or so , lost six balls but found another 25 looking for them LOL. But sill I will be out there next weekend bloody mug.

Bob