The One That Got Away

[alongtimegone]

I wrote this poem several years ago. I’ve recently tidied it up following the helpful advice I’ve had from various forum members re syllables and stresses in rhyming verse. I think it ticks most of the boxes now. If it doesn’t, please keep it a secret or I’ll be the stressed one.
In 2012 I entered it in the ABC Far North Region poetry competition. No cigar, but it was a finalist.

The One That Got Away

Now listen Blue, this story might be hard to comprehend,
but I really need to tell it mate. Right through to the end.
I swear it’s not a porky. Gonna give it to you straight.
And I reckon you’ll be thankful that you weren’t out there mate.

I was heading out real early, to reach the outer reef
before the wind got up and found me square into its teeth.
The tide was running out and waves were standing on the bar
No moon that night and everywhere was black as bleeding tar.

Another hour before the sun was due to show its head.
I pondered “Should I wait a while, or just charge on ahead?”
Call me every drongo you can get your lips around.
I figured I could handle it without me getting drowned.

Did I figure on a big one? As high as any cloud?
The kind that made you soil your shorts and scream His name out loud?
No way! I tell you mate. I stood there frozen to the core.
Just praying that the devil wasn’t standing by his door,

inviting me to come on through before the morning’s done.
Gone south without a chance to see another rising sun.
And then that rogue wave hit us Blue. It turned us upside down.
It threw me top to bottom, side to side and round and round.



I saw my life in chapters. Fleeting images of home
ballooning through my mind as I sank deep beneath the foam
And then I felt a hand and heard a soft voice whisper, low.
“Stay strong. Don’t give up yet my son. It’s not your time to go.”

I knew then, that I’d make it, as I swam towards the shore,
saying “Thank you, dear Lord, thank you,” a hundred times or more.
You know I’m not religious Blue, though tried to live my days
doing what I thought was right in all the different ways,

but this was something wondrous, something infinite and grand.
No self delusion Bluey, He reached down and took my hand.
You well may think I dreamt it mate, delirious that day,
but I know my prayers were answered. I’m the one that got away.

[warooa]

Enjoyed it the first time I read it, and more so know - goodonya Waz.

Cheers, Marty

[Bob Pacey]

Yep spot on mate

Just check did you miss an I on this line ?

You know I’m not religious Blue, though tried to live my days


Cheers Bob

[alongtimegone]

Thanks Marty and Bob.
No Bob - the missing 'I' is quite deliberate. Keeps the length of the line at 14 syllables consistent with the rest of the piece and I reckoned the sense of the sentence was still clear enough. Nicely picked up though.

Cheers ... Wazza

[Terry]

Hi Wazza,
Good poem mate.
They reckon the bloke up there was a fisherman - so you'd expect no less.

Cheers Terry

[Bob Pacey]

That line just does not read right to me Wazza perhaps you can say it another way ?

Does not sound like normal speech ?


Bob

[alongtimegone]

Ha ha ... good one Terry. I wish I could catch them as easily as He did.

What about this Bob?

I knew then, that I’d make it, as I swam towards the shore,
saying “Thank you, dear Lord, thank you,” a hundred times or more.
I'm not religious Bluey, though I've tried to live my days
doing what I thought was right in all the different ways,

Cheers ... Wazza

[Bob Pacey]

yep mate that's better.

Sounds like normal conversation.


Bob

[Heather]

And Bob sounds like Neville

[Neville Briggs]

Never