Homework 22/09...Said Hockey J

[David Campbell]

Said Hockey J (with apologies to Hartigan P, aka O’Brien J)

“We'll all be rooned,” said Hockey J,
in accents most forlorn,
“our fiscal outlook is quite grey
unless more sheep are shorn!”

The Coalition sat about,
and pondered what to do
to get some more to go without,
and who they yet might screw.

“It's lookin' crook,” said Abbott T,
“it’s no damn good, me lad,
our minin’ magnates say to me
it’s never been so bad.

We’ve axed the tax, so that won’t work
to raise a bit of dough;
from here way out to Back-o'-Bourke,
we’ve gotta fleece ’em, Joe!”

“It's tough, all right,” said Bishop J,
quite clearly in distress,
then rang up John Paul Gaultier
to buy a brand new dress.

“If we don’t make the people pay,
we’ve had the gong, no doubt,
we'll all be rooned,” said Hockey J,
“before the year is out.

We need to hit the poor,” he said,
“and bleed the peasants dry,
it’s not our job to keep them fed,
we’ve submarines to buy!

We’ll make kids work to get the dole,
and Medicare cost more,
then help our mates to dig more coal
and sell it all off-shore.”

“I’ll tell you what,” squeaked Prissy Pyne,
“I’ve got this cunning scheme
to make our students toe the line,
and Uni just a dream.

We’ll cut the funding to the bone,
and force the fees to rise,
so poor kids’ chances will have flown,
and ours can claim the prize.”

“That’s sounding good,” said Hockey J,
but Palmer holds us up.
We'll all be rooned, I have to say,
if we can’t tame the PUP.”

A heavy silence filled the room,
the Senate on each mind,
and all they saw were signs of gloom,
and months of daily grind.

“We’ll have to compromise, do deals,
give Palmer what he wants,”
said Bishop J, “perhaps free meals
in fancy restaurants?”

“I think you’re right,” said Abbott T,
“we’ll have to talk to him,
we have no choice, it seems to me…
it’s either sink or swim.”

In God's good time they compromised
on this and then on that,
they argued and they agonised,
and played the diplomat.

They sold their souls, the devil smiled
at how he’d fooled them all,
at how a nation was beguiled
by flim-flam and sheer gall.

And so it went, this sad charade,
this mockery, this fraud,
this democratic masquerade
that no-one could applaud.

But Hockey J found no relief,
despite the deals he got.
“It does not help, it brings me grief,
my reputation’s shot!

The budget is a nasty smell
that will not disappear,
and I have been condemned to hell,
with no-one left to cheer.”

“Fear not, good Joe,” said Abbott T,
“for there is lots of time
until election day, and we
can cover up your crime.

We have a slogan we can use
that will not fail, I know,
to make it certain we can’t lose
to our most-hated foe.

It’s something that we always say
when forced to save our skin.”
“We’ll all be rooned,” cried Hockey J,
“if Labor gets back in!”

© David Campbell 12/09/14

[Neville Briggs]

That works

[Heather]

That is brilliant David. I laughed all the way from start to finish and one of my favourite poems has just been given new life.

Heather

[Bob Pacey]

A bloody cracker David


Bob

[David Campbell]

Thanks Neville, Heather and Bob. Politics is such fertile ground...don't know whether to laugh or cry!

Cheers
David

[Bob Pacey]

Oh I definitely laughed David.


Bob

[David Campbell]

Onya, Bob!

[Maureen K Clifford]

Political lampooning at its best ROTFLMAO David - Well done - You certainly met the challenge I liked it so much I shared it on our Facebook page and it is going great guns
there - Hope you like the illustration

[Shelley Hansen]

Such a clever parody of a favourite poem, David - I really enjoyed it.

[David Campbell]

Thanks, Maureen. I'm not on Facebook, but have checked it out, and yes, the illustration is great!

And thank you, too, Shelley. Parodies can be risky as they might be accused of showing disrespect to the original. But they can be effective, particularly when it comes to satire as they add an extra layer to the humour. And familiarity with the original also makes it easier for the casual reader to pick it up and follow the metre.

Cheers
David