Hi Glenny
Firstly, I love the title. The word "cleaving" has so many connotations and I "got it" immediately I started to read the poem. I love your word imagery, contrasting the northern and southern landscapes with moods of the heart.
It actually reminds me a bit of Henry Lawson's "The Bush Girl" (slightly different circumstances but same idea of boy who goes to England leaving girl behind):
"Grey eyes that grow sadder than sunset or rain
Fond heart that is ever more true
Firm faith that grows firmer for watching in vain
She'll wait by the sliprails for you."
The whole poem is in that vein, and no one would disagree that it is a fine example of bush poetry!
My poem "A Lesson in Life" which just took out the Babies of Walloon Ipswich trophy received quite negative feedback when I entered it in a prior competition. Different judge - different opinion. Just shows you.
My advice is - keep trying! And now for a really radical suggestion ... you could always take out the rhyme and enter it into an open competition as free verse
Onward and Upward!
Shelley