I am happy to post it - along with a CHALLENGE to you, dear readers.
Read on ...This is the poem as it was submitted and judged. It contains a poetic error. Despite close scrutiny, I missed it. So did several others who proof-read it for me before the competition. But the judge noticed - and quite rightly, deducted points
Where is the error? I am giving no clues (the judge didn't have any)!!! I'll just say that it doesn't involve spelling, and you'll need an eye for detail
(David and Stephen ... Having been involved in the competition, you will know - so I trust you will stand back and observe with interest!)
So your CHALLENGE is ... Find the error, state where it occurs in the poem and why it is an error that cost me precious points!!
THE POITRY COMPETITION
I’m ’ere wiv pen in ’and, an’ feelin’ pore.
Me thorts ’as done a bunk fair out the door.
I’ve got a sheet o’ writin’ paper … blank.
“Wot for?” I ’ear yeh arstin’ me. “Wot for?”
It’s orl becors o’ Ginger Mick, ’oo sees
an item in the local rag, so ’e’s
come up wiv this fool notion that I write
some poitry fer money – if yeh please!
Sez Mick, “Now Kid, this competition ’ere
is worf its weight in gold – it sez quite clear –
Ten quid fer winnin’ poim – so I think
yeh’d best be gettin’ revved up inter gear.
“Why me?” I sez. “Why don’t you ’ave a shot?”
Sez Ginger, “Kid, don’t tork sich tommy rot!
It ain’t no use me wastin’ all me time –
I tell yeh – wot it takes I jist ain’t got!
Bill! Spare me days! I knoo it from the start –
this tuff-like tork o’ booze an’ stoush an’ tart
don’t sit the same wiv you like uvver broots –
Yer jist a sentimental bloke at ’eart!”
“A sentimental poit? Me? Fair go!
’Ere’s me ’oo thort I ’ad a bit ter show
frum stoushin’ down the back o’ Little Lon …”
But Ginger interrupts, “May I go on …?
Now Rose an’ me”, he sez, “we ’ave a larf –
we keeps the best, an’ blows away the chaff.
But if I started wooin’ ’er in verse –
she’d send me ter the Funny Farm. Not ’arf!
That’s me. But you – yer diff’rent, Kid. I’ve seen
the way yeh moons about wiv yer Doreen
an’ torks about the starlight in ’er eyes.”
“It’s true,” I sez, “that bonzer peach is queen.”
“Yeh see,” sez Mick, “yeh’ll win it if yeh writes
them things yeh spouts at ’er on moonlit nights.
An’ when yeh strikes it rich I ’opes an’ prays
yeh’ll be a bloke ’oo’ll set ’is mates ter rights.”
An’ when I strikes it rich? Ar, strike me pink!
The way ’e spouts it out wivout a blink –
as if ’e thort that poitry appears
like magic, when I picks up pen an’ ink!
I’m up the pole, I’m ponderin’ in vain
the poitry of sun an’ moon an’ rain.
An’ thinkin’ I’d would rather be like Mick
when ’e goes courtin’ Rose of Spadger’s Lane.
The world is black an’ white fer Mick an’ Rose –
jus’ workin’ ’ard ter make a crust. Gawd knows
there ain’t much poitry in ’ungry nights.
There ain’t much time fer fun. An’ so it goes …
I dunno why I think these dilly thorts
uv Romance. Me an’ Doreen ain’t the sorts
ter live the ’igh-falutin’ life – that’s clear.
But when she looks at me, me ’eart cavorts!
Doreen! ’Ow can a bloke as thick as me
’ave landed sich a clarsy tart as she?
I want ter tell the world each bloomin’ day
Uv ’ow she fills me universe wiv glee …
An’ ’ow she bootifies the mooch o’ day,
an’ ’ow we went downtown ter see that play,
an’ ’ow ’er ’and ’eld mine down on the beach …
Let no toff stror ’at coot take ’er away!
Ar, spare me days ! Wot’s rattlin’ in me head
is … wait! Wot if I writes it down instead?
Some poit coves git famous! Wot if I
could make meself a forchin … like Mick said?
I ’opes I win! Wot if they publish me
an’ puts it in The Bulletin fer free
like Banjo an’ like ’Enry ’ad their start?
I’d larf at Mick then! Bli’me – so would ’e!
I see it now. The swell coves dips their lids.
I’m signin’ ortygraphs fer little kids!
The ocshuneer is sellin’ orf me books
An’ millionaires is shoutin’ out their bids!
Ar, strike! I’m orf me beat – no flamin’ joke!
But still – me thorts keep flittin’ ter the foke
an ’undred years frum now. Will they recall
the verses of “A Sentimental Bloke”?
© Shelley Hansen 2014
And thank you all for your positive responses to the poem.