Homework W/E March 1, 2016: First in the Line

[David Campbell]

First in the Line

© David Campbell 15/02/16

With a hole in my pocket where money should be,
and some ragged old trousers worn down at the knee,
I was first in the line when I answered the call:
“For your King and your country, it’s time to stand tall!”

I can see the red flowers,
the earth’s bleeding now
as I count down the hours
that fate will allow.

When the bright lights of Sydney were fading from sight
we were up on deck singing the hymn Silent Night,
and I still can’t believe that I didn’t foresee
that there might come a day when they’d sing it for me.

I can see the red flowers,
the earth’s bleeding now
as I count down the hours
that fate will allow.

At the end of the day one last thing must be done
when the battle is over and victory won —
as your men hesitated and needed a sign,
were you ready to lead them, the first in the line?

I can see the red flowers,
the earth’s bleeding now
as I count down the hours
that fate…

[Maureen K Clifford]

Oh my! You have woven your magic again - not at all what I was anticipating from those prompts but you have used them perfectly to create a poignant story and final scene. And first cab of the rank as well - you certainly were first in line this week. Well done David. A beautifully crafted poem.

[Neville Briggs]

Goodonya David

Did you mean the hymn Lead Kindly Light. It's traditionally associated with sea voyage.
Silent Night is the one we get ad nauseam in the shops from October to December.

[Catherine Lee]

Wonderful poem David, as always - and so quick off the mark! I also think it's very clever what you've done in the last line with just those three dots...

[David Campbell]

Thank you Maureen, Neville and Catherine!

It's interesting, Maureen...I've just read your poem and you've taken a direction that would never have occurred to me. I took my initial cue from "red flowers", and the rest flowed from there. One of the great benefits of the homework exercises is seeing the way different minds work in tackling the challenge, particularly if all of the prompts are used. It forces us not only to write something, but also to think outside the box in putting together a coherent story that links seemingly disparate elements. That has to be a good thing and, in line with something Bob wrote a while ago, it's puzzling that more people don't have a go.

And yes, Catherine, those three dots carry a wealth of meaning. They're based on the "less is more" philosophy, leaving a lot to the imagination of the reader. In fact, the whole poem is like that.

Cheers
David

[Bob Pacey]

Here here David. I have written what I consider some of my best poems from the prompts and I think it keeps the juices flowing ( so to speak )


Never seem to get writers block anymore.



Cheers Bob

[Maureen K Clifford]

so 2 happy customers?

[David Campbell]

Definitely, Maureen! All that's needed to get the brain ticking over is a word or a phrase, and you provide that incentive every fortnight. Four lines or forty, one prompt or the lot, it doesn't matter! It's a workshop, a chance to play around with words and ideas, to try new things. An opportunity to see what others are writing and think "Hey, that's interesting!"

A question I'm often asked is: "Do you know the end to a poem when you start writing?" With the homework, my answer would usually be "No." And that's a large part of the fun....just sitting down, starting off with something, and then seeing where the imagination takes me. It's a nudge in the ribs to laziness, and a slap across the face to "I can't think of anything to write about!" So, on behalf of all on the site, particularly the regular responders, a big "thank you".

Cheers
David