DAYLIGHT DESCENDS

[Cropduster]

DAYLIGHT DESCENDS
Allan Cropper ©

Daylight descends on a small sleepy hamlet
one crisp autumn morning in latest of May
The sun pokes its head over hills, chasing shadows,
and ushering revellers, best be on their way.
Sunlight presents, flecks of light through a window
that dance upon walls, floral curtains hold sway.
The streets fill with mayhem of men in their motors
that jostle and hustle to start the work day.
The chorus of car horns and coughs of cold engines
float into the room on a sliver of light,
proclaiming the morning has finally broken
and giving last rites to the dead of the night.
Mothers herd children 'cross roads to the schoolyard,
the crossing guard bids them a cheery 'G'day'.
Aroma of coffee grinds, crispy fried bacon
drift up from the cafe just moments away.
Daylight descends on a small sleepy hamlet
Now I must arise from my feather down cave.
Though cosy and warm be my haven of slumber,
the world, it is calling. I must now be brave.

[Shelley Hansen]

I really like this Allan ... great consonance and alliteration! Metaphors too ... love the "last rites to the dead of the night".

I can smell the coffee and bacon ... mmmm!!

Cheers
Shelley

[Maureen K Clifford]

This is a charming vignette Allan - I really like it

[Cropduster]

Thank you Shelley and Maureen.

Thinking of changing last line to read;

'The world, it is calling, for I am its slave.'

What do you think?

[Heather]

Faces of the street - just a different time and place.

I think you could go with either Allan - depending on what you want the poem to say. "for I am its slave" is better meter-wise. The meter and syntax with "I must now be brave" doesn't really work but you could simply change it to "and I must be brave" and I think that would fix it. What do you think?


Heather

[Shelley Hansen]

I like both endings Allan - though Heather is right with her correction of the original ending fitting more correctly with the metre.

The "I must be brave" is the tongue-in-cheek statement of a man who doesn't want to leave the comfort of a warm bed - the "I am its slave" is more a statement of resignation to the rat race of life in which you are swept along regardless of personal wishes.

Both work - as Heather says, depends which message you wish to convey.

Cheers
Shelley

[Cropduster]

Thank you Heather and Shelley for your comments and suggestions. I think 'slave' it is.

[Heather]

Do you get to wear an appropriate costume to go with it? Just thinking it might be a bit cold to be a slave at the moment!

[Cropduster]

Oh, Heather!

I will have to look for thermal winter warmer slave ware

[Heather]

I think there would be a big market in thermal winter warmer slave ware - or did you mean "wear"...