Homework 12/9/16

[Wendy Seddon]

Very late with this one. Not sure it is worth the wait.
Doesn't even have a title!

Father Chris stood in the pulpit fire and brimstone called on cue,
he said some spit and polish on our halos was past due.
Man proposes but God disposes.

Captain Joe stood at the capstan, breathing hard he heaved it ‘round,
becalmed for days he’d been obliged to spend sometime aground.
Southerly today, anchors aweigh.

Father Chris told of a miracle when Jesus calmed the storm,
the sea became His mistress then before his daunting form.
Asserting His station over creation.

Captain Joe was on a homeward course, his thoughts of loving wife,
safe harbour to rest weary bones form such a taxing life.
Drying his socks, vodka on rocks.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Of course it's worth the wait - it's different with an interesting rhyming pattern which I like. There's a typo in the 5th line that you might want to fix. To be fair I think you could expand on it a little - it feels like only half the story has been told, although that of course is only my take on it, but I think it has got good bones - I'd be perhaps expanding on the link between Father Chris and Captain Joe and making a connection there.

[Wendy Seddon]

Thanks Maureen - typo fixed.
I was just getting all the prompts in!!
May play with it sometime.

[Shelley Hansen]

Hi Wen

This is an interesting juxtaposition of ideas. (I've been wanting to use that word for ages )

Seriously, the technique of contrast is a really good tool in poetry. We've seen it used in prize-winning poems with stunning effect.

I agree with Maureen - this one is for your "keep and tweak" collection. It would be interesting to see it expanded into a full blown narrative.

I have lots of "keep and tweak" poems - sometimes they never go any further, but others get resurrected, even after sitting for a long time untouched.

Cheers
Shelley

[Robyn]

It's interesting - and I especially love the last line!