Homework WE 3/10/16 - What Am I Bid?

[Shelley Hansen]

Wow, Maureen - you've done it again! Your prompts instantly took me back to a day many years ago when I stood in the background at a "house and effects" auction, where people bickered over cutlery and crockery - oblivious to the life of the old lady who had recently died, the last of her line.

I'm amazed at how you can pull some of these prompts from "left field". I know if I was setting the prompts, they would all be on the same theme - nicely packaged and tied with string - which would prove no challenge at all for our enterprising and adventurous poets! But you just seem to find this eclectic mix of phrases that at first glance, seem to be unrelated - yet somehow, they mesh together so well! How do you do it??

I was going to title my poem "Auction Day" - but as David has already chosen that title, I have chosen a different one instead ... and I'm not sure I'm happy with the rhythm. But I've tinkered with it enough - and so I trust my talented colleagues will suggest some improvements. Please do!

WHAT AM I BID?
(c) Shelley Hansen 22/9/16

"What am I bid?" asked the Auctioneer,
"step up, good people and gather here.
Lot 1 - a wardrobe. What do you say?
Plenty of bargains on Auction Day!"

People competing - a will to win
items regardless, through thick and thin.
Bidding in tandem - no time to quail -
hissy fits likely for those who fail.

Standing in shadow, I watch the scene,
knowing this house would have surely been
loved by so many throughout the years -
chastened with love by each mother's tears.

Modern technology has not reached
into this room, where an auction's breached
privacy - once a defended right -
filtered through curtains as subtle light.

Furniture leaves through the open door,
rudely removed from its place - no more
hiding concealed imperfections' stain -
wallpaper stark and exposed again.

Sad and reflective, I watch the past
fade to oblivion, since the last
resident died - no one to go on -
no one inherits. History's gone.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Oh you have woven a lovely story using the prompts - well done. Nothing wrong with the rhyming scheme, probably not your most adventuresome but it works fine and its got good bones...I think - just my opinion - that this is a poem that could be fleshed out a little more - I sense a story hiding behind the story. Maybe one of the ones to put on a back burner and come back to later.

My mind works in mysterious ways Shelley and most of the time it is some where out there in left field. Maybe I was dropped on my head when I was a baby

[David Campbell]

As Maureen says, Shelley, it's a great story. It reminds me of clearing out my mother's house prior to its sale...so many of her memories were disappearing as it was reduced to an empty shell. Then it was gutted and renovated and now another family are creating their own memories.

The poem has a strong rhythm, with the stress on the first syllable in each line, and the only problem I had was in the first three lines where it's possible to stress "am", "up", and "1" instead. Here's a possible alternative that helps to emphasise the first syllable:

"What's the first bid?" asked the Auctioneer,
"gather, good people and listen here.
Look at this wardrobe! What do you say?
Plenty of bargains on Auction Day!"

Cheers
David

[Shelley Hansen]

Thanks Maureen - and I'm sure your gift for stepping outside the box is a positive asset to us - however it originated!! And yes, this is probably one I will put away for a while with a view to fiddling with it later and adding to the story.

Thank you for that suggestion, David - yes, that is much better, and probably the reason why I felt it was jerky at the start.

Cheers
Shelley