The Dying

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warooa

The Dying

Post by warooa » Tue Nov 12, 2013 5:16 am

THE DYING
© M. Pattie 2013


He cannot stop his crying. His hands caress his head.
Nobody counts the dying - they only count the dead.
A life that’s not forsaken; one thing he can’t condone.
Whilst others had theirs taken, he cannot take his own.

He’s drip-fed by his pension, and whilst he aches for nought,
with things he dare not mention, his dreams are dark and fraught.
The Oruzgan ‘elective’ and six months in a hole.
The draw not so selective, as others made ‘the toll’.

It reeked of the unpleasant, that hole; it laid him bare,
but where he is at present - that hole; it don’t compare.
Its woken things inside him, as whisky gets him pissed,
with half a joint beside him, and form-guide in his fist.

Sub-consciously he’s floating, awake at 2am.
A cold, hard sweat the coating, the mantra’s ‘us and them’.
He’s fighting the resistance; he’s back in Oruzgan,
just clinging to existence; just doing what he can.

There’s demons as he stumbles, that no one else can tell,
and incoherent mumbles, in silence he’ll just yell.
There’s no indemnifying on TV, by his bed.
Forgotten are the dying - they only count the dead.

Of sleeping and of waking; there’s pills to numb the pain.
To dull the point of breaking, there’s always novocaine.
The toll it keeps on mounting; the focus – like a score.
Whilst counters stop their counting, he’ll always be at war.

A sortie slaps the silence when somebody gets close.
Involuntary violence; a cruel unmeasured dose.
That calm unquiet query inside his silence hemmed;
for age that’s left him weary and years that have condemned.

A clean, fresh gaze fixated: the ANZAC on the wall.
Always commemorated; forever standing tall.
His epitaph to follow, his death so held in awe.
In hindsight words so hollow; “we fought to fight no more”

When men still make their master and all the stats are read,
he’ll wish he’d died much faster, but won’t make up ‘the dead’.
Mark time; it’s what the day’s for, as longer grow the nights;
the women that he pays for. The cigarettes he lights.

His incremental trying; so long ago it stopped.
But he who’s slowly dying, the dead will not adopt.
Much worse than dog’s diseases, he shivers and he sweats.
To rectify uneases? No ruse – and no regrets.

Whilst clutching fast, yet knowing he’s free. . and free he’ll fall.
And blood. Just blood a’flowing; he’s sentenced to recall.
Each lifeless body broken, each shrapnel-riddled scream
of which he’s never spoken, from each tormented dream.

Locked in amidst the prying, so harshly cauterised.
The dead within the dying; not ever to be prised.
To what his life amounted, if he dropped dead today?
Not with the fallen counted, just with those passed away.

His passing signifying he’ll draw his final breath.
Whilst no one mourned his dying, still fewer mourned his death.
He’s sapped . . and can’t stop crying, his hands caress his head.
Nobody counts the dying. They only count the dead.

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Bob Pacey
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Re: The Dying

Post by Bob Pacey » Tue Nov 12, 2013 6:02 am

A good win Marty. I did feel it went on a bit long though but that is just me remember I told ya I get bored easily and I don't read much.

This line keeps throwing me .

Whilst clutching fast, yet knowing he’s free. . and free he’ll fall.

maybe I'm reading it wrong.

Cheers mate

Bob
The purpose in life is to have fun.
After you grasp that everything else seems insignificant !!!

r.magnay
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Re: The Dying

Post by r.magnay » Tue Nov 12, 2013 6:20 am

Well put together Marty and very though provoking. I just missed out on the conscript, but I have a quite a few mates who went, none of them have ever displayed that side of themselves to me, but I don't doubt many, if not all carry the burden.
Ross

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Maureen K Clifford
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Re: The Dying

Post by Maureen K Clifford » Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:30 am

Nobody counts the dying. They only count the dead.
Certainly gives one food for thought - such a strong line, such a strong poem - One of your best I think
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I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.

Neville Briggs
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Re: The Dying

Post by Neville Briggs » Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:12 am

Bob. There's a slight pause after "knowing" it's called a caesura, a well known poetic ingredient. The reader just has to read slowly to catch it.


Goodonya Marty. Well done.
Last edited by Neville Briggs on Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.

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Glenny Palmer
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Re: The Dying

Post by Glenny Palmer » Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:13 am

Mega Congratulations Marty on your win....and for crafting such a sound commentary on a very real, yet regrettable issue in our society. Really well done!

Bob, I also balked at that line...all it needs is a comma after ''knowing'' IMHO.

Cheeers
Glenny
The purpose of my life is to serve as a warning to others.

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Glenny Palmer
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Re: The Dying

Post by Glenny Palmer » Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:14 am

...oops. Pipped at post. Goodonya Neville.
The purpose of my life is to serve as a warning to others.

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Glenny Palmer
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Re: The Dying

Post by Glenny Palmer » Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:41 am

Hey Martyboy, I have attempted to clarify the ''profanity'' in the Results category.
The purpose of my life is to serve as a warning to others.

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David Campbell
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Re: The Dying

Post by David Campbell » Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:57 am

A fine poem, Marty, and a very worthy winner.

Cheers
David

Terry
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Re: The Dying

Post by Terry » Tue Nov 12, 2013 9:37 am

Congratulations once again Marty

As for the content of your poem the word in question in my opinion, is at worst mildly vulgar, in fact hardly worth commenting on.

In fairness to Gary, like him I’m not a fan of profanity and try to avoid it myself, but once again in my opinion that question doesn’t arise here.

Back to the poem I agree with Glenny, it’s a very powerful and thought provoking piece of writing, well done mate.

Cheers

Terry

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