Haiku Homework

[mummsie]

I'm a bit with Bob on this topic, but hey, I thought I'd give it a go. Am I on the right track Maureen?



As winter subdues
like the rainbows of springtime
lorrikeets return

Sue

[Neville Briggs]

That's it Sue,

[mummsie]

Thank you Neville, I'll try one more

The cresting of dawn
awakening the senses
a new day is born



Sue

[Terry]

The second ones even better I reckon Sue.

Terry

[Maureen K Clifford]

Both of those are charming Sue - well done They work well together as well as stand alone

Haiku - Sue.jpg

Great to see you have a go - you don't have to like them I didn't initially but now I find them rather a captivating little vignette and I enjoy the challenge - you may find they grow on you.

With the Haiku as I said every word counts so were you writing a proper Haiku as opposed to a Haiku style - words like the and or of etc become superfluous because they don't carry any weight and every word has to count so something perhaps like this

lorikeets return
like springtime rainbows –
winter departs

or

winter gloom dispersed
natures rainbow lorikeets -
springtime heralds

or

senses awaken
dawn crests over mountains –
brand new day

But I love the pictures your words have captured and I reckon you have made a great effort.

Cheers

Maureen

[mummsie]

On the very "rare" occasion I have come across a haiku which has taken my fancy, like I said-"rare". But I did enjoy the challenge.
The words against a backdrop give the few short lines so much more meaning Maureen and seems to invite the reader to linger a little longer. I like that!

I have made umpteen attempts at the homework topics in the past months, but an interrupted mind is not one for poetry, hence a pile of unfinished poems. Frustrating to say the least.
Who knows-one day

Sue

[Neville Briggs]

I have made umpteen attempts at the homework topics in the past months, but an interrupted mind is not one for poetry, hence a pile of unfinished poems. Frustrating to say the least.Who knows-one day Sue

Me too

[mummsie]

heavens confetti -
frozen, crystalline droplets
blanketing winter

[Neville Briggs]

You're good at this Sue

[Maureen K Clifford]

I agree - that is very good Sue - well done - a hyphen after the word confetti will highlight the kira (cutting) moment