Homework 15/6/20 'Take Two'

[Terry]

Take Two

I have posted this version separately
as there have been so many changes from the original.
Think I’d better keep to poetry!

Fifteen Miles from Minderoo

As the bright lights lose their sparkle – Billy
and of city life you tire.
Can you hear the outback calling – Billy,
do you miss the old campfire?

I’ll be waiting here and hoping
that we soon once more will roam,
where the Ghost Gums seem to whisper,
come on home - come on home

Will you think of me the same then – Billy
say the words you used to do,
for the nights are long and lonely – darling,
and my heart cries out for you

If I know that you are coming,
I’ll be waiting here for you,
Where the Ghost Gums seem to whisper,
come on home my love, please do.

So I watch the track in hope now – Billy,
that my dreams are not in vain,
and I’ll see your smile again my darling,
as you kiss me once again.

And you know that I’ll be waiting,
for my heart is aching too,
where the Ghost Gums seem to whisper,
fifteen miles from Minderoo.

© T.E. Piggott

[Shelley Hansen]

I enjoyed both versions, Terry - but I'm partial to the original, I confess. It is more of a lament - and I don't mind the repetition of "Billy", which I think adds to that atmosphere.

The original version has shades of Lawson's "The Bush Girl" which was famously recorded as a poignant song by the Seekers ...

Grey eyes that grow sadder than sunset or rain
Fond heart that is ever more true
Firm faith that grows firmer for watching in vain
She'll wait by the sliprails for you.

[Catherine Lee]

A lovely poem, Terry. Whichever version I read gives me the same feeling of poignancy. It's the kind of poem that gives me goose bumps, and I really like it

[Terry]

Thanks Catherine

I might try and polish this up a little and see if I can make a passable song out of it.
You have interpreted as it as I meant it to be.

Terry

[Terry]

Thanks Shelley

Perhaps somewhere between both versions is the way to go.
Though my wife suggested it could be mistaken as a bloke singing to another bloke - I beg your pardon Val!

Terry

[Neville Briggs]

I think it would work quite well as a country song, just as it is. It has the nostalgic feel of the outback blues.

[Terry]

Thanks Neville

Like you I decided to try something different,
But couldn't quite tear myself from rhymes.
And by the way I reckon your poems scans very well,
and more importantly in my view, the words seem to flow seamlessly.

Terry