Under a Tattered Sky

Post by **manfredvijars** » Sat May 14, 2011 1:57 am

Shock horror - Free Verse ...

Under a Tattered Sky
(c) 2009 Manfred Vijars

Bob Pacey · Post by **Bob Pacey** » Sat May 14, 2011 5:53 am

Shock, Horror

Bob

Maureen K Clifford · Post by **Maureen K Clifford** » Sat May 14, 2011 8:47 am

Shock Horror indeed

but bloody good just the same

Cheers

Maureen

Bob Pacey · Post by **Bob Pacey** » Sat May 14, 2011 9:07 am

Got to be red to get away with that.

Wait till the green moderators wake up.

Bob

David Campbell · Post by **David Campbell** » Sat May 14, 2011 10:56 am

An interesting, very evocative poem, Manfred, and it illustrates beautifully that point you made in the 'Poetry experiment' thread about the importance of line-breaks in free verse when there is no punctuation to act as a guide. There's also a fair bit of variation in structure to give those interested in exploring this area an idea of the flexibility available.

I hope you don't cop too much flak for posting it...free verse isn't the basis for this website, but an occasional foray does no harm. And as I said in the other thread, experimenting with this sort of thing has given me a greater understanding of how enjambment works in bush verse. Poetry is all about conveying ideas and images through a structured form of words, and anything that provokes thought about that process should be welcomed.

So, from me...many thanks for sharing it!

Cheers
David

Post by **manfredvijars** » Sat May 14, 2011 11:11 am

Thanks David. I thought that piece could illustrate what was talked about in the other thread.
That piece had been hanging 'round for a number of years and try as I might, I just couldn't fit the feelings into a rhyme-n-metre structure. Mostly when pondering pieces, the structure (from within the piece) will make itself evident. Then, with that structure revealed, the words (sort of) fall into place. However there are some pieces that just don't fit ANY structure. I don't fight the Muse but simply 'lay it out' as She dictates ...

Thanks again for your kind words ...

Maureen K Clifford · Post by **Maureen K Clifford** » Sat May 14, 2011 11:41 am

that's it exactly Mannie IMO some pieces can't be forced in rhyming verse and don't benefit by being so written.

Sometimes you just have to let the words fall where they may and the poem is none for the worse for it.

Cheers

Maureen

Neville Briggs · Post by **Neville Briggs** » Sat May 14, 2011 3:41 pm

I think that free form suits the theme.
It is a theme of jerky frantic movement , the confusion of the battle and fragmented glimpses of partially comprehended moments. I think that an ordered " nicely " set out format, would not have done the job.

Good choice I reckon Manfred.

ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

Under a Tattered Sky

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