My Ceiling is the Starlit Night

[Irene]

Being down in Boyup Brook always re-enforces the feeling behind this poem I wrote a few years ago.
I camp in my swag in the back of my ute - not quite the ground, but the sky above is incomparable.

My Ceiling is the Star-lit Night
© Irene Conner 04/08/08

My ceiling is the star-lit night;
my floor, the dew-drenched ground;
my walls, the trunks of ghostly gums
that circle me around.

A quarter moon illuminates
and silhouettes the sky
with gumtree canopies that dance
upon the night wind’s sigh.

My canvas swag’s impervious
to nature’s biting cold;
cocooned within it’s warm embrace,
I let the night unfold.

The questing fingers of a breeze
intrude into my space
and trace their chilly paths upon
the contours of my face.

The night sounds sing a gentle song;
the filtered moonlight gleams
and wraps me in a peaceful shroud
that mingles with my dreams.

The morning light creeps slowly then
the sun comes into view
and nature works her magic for
my spirit to renew.

My ceiling is the rising sun;
my floor, the dew-drenched ground;
my walls, the trunks of ghostly gums
that circle me around.

[Neville Briggs]

That's fantastic Irene Excellent writing in my view ( for what it's worth ) top marks and big applause from me.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Lovely Irene - really lovely

Hope you have a good mattress under the swag in the Ute -

Cheers

Maureen

[mummsie]

Beautiful Irene. I was right there with you. Very descriptive, you have captured the magic of sleeping under the stars beautifully.
Thank you for sharing.

Cheers
Sue

[Robyn]

Love it Irene, especially

The questing fingers of a breeze
intrude into my space

I also like the way the ending reflects back to the beginning.
Just one little thing...in verse 3 it should be its (the possessive) not it's (contraction of it is).
Beautiful!
Robyn

[Stephen Whiteside]

I think it's beautiful, too.

I'm going to be a complete pain in the you know what, though, and make a suggestion. The repetition in the final verse works really well, but it would work even better if it contained a slight variation on what had gone before.

For example, the last two lines could read:

'With walls the trunks of ghostly gums,
True peace of mind I've found.'

It retains the satisfaction of the repetition while also allowing you to say something new to finish the poem. As I say, just a suggestion.

[Irene]

Thank you Nevill and Sue - I love sleeping under the stars - the night sky is so beautiful!!
Robyn - thank you - I didn't notice I had the apostrophe in there!! Amazing how you can look at something so many times, and miss the obvious!!
Have been back and changed my original.

Thanks Stephen - I really like that. I liked the repetition I had in it, but I also like your suggestion!! Now, I am going to have to sit down and decide which to use!
Don't you hate it when you think you have something nailed, and someone comes along with a wonderful alternative?!?!
That's what is so great about being able to share with other poets - it encourages you to keep looking for better ways of expression. Thank you.

catchya
IRene

[Neville Briggs]

G'day Irene, I'll be a pain to Stephen , sorry Stephen.

I think that the words about the "circle" are important to the mood and the repetiton should stay as is.

[Bob Pacey]

Yeah I've read it a couple of times Irene and I think the repetition of the circle is a suitable finish and completes it well.

Great visual pictures do your words envoke.

Bob

[Stephen Whiteside]

So the idea that the 'circle' is also completed with the repetition of the first verse? Fair enough. I hadn't quite thought of it like that. Circle and circle...