Jim's Jottings by Rimeriter.

[Rimeriter]

"Greetings everyone".
I recently joined and am still finding my way around.

As an introduction, I thought I'd bring 'The Drifter' through the front gate.

At a later time, 'Outback Jack the Tall Tale Teller' could come and boil the billy too.

"ooroo" for now -

The Drifter.
A solitary Swagman back in the days of old
wandered alone along dirt bush roads; so now this tale is told - -
It was the dark depression days that had sealed his fate.
No money, no food, nor friendliness, from the tender age of eight
A broken home and fatherless, back alleys were his haunt,
with Bar Room boys and prostitutes, his abilities he'd flaunt,
within the streets of Sydney Town where he sometimes turned to crime.
Known about but never caught, he did not do his time.
His brother imparted wisdom meant to bring him to the fore,
but he still pursued those angles that were frowned on by the law.

The darkest hour for him was one, when a life he suddenly stilled.
No other nefarious adventure, had caused someone to be killed.
It wasn't quite by accident, that a young man; within a timberyard,
was felled by a short, sharp sudden blow while completely off his guard.

So, his fruitless trek started years ago and not long after that,
he began tramping the 'Long Paddocks', wearing a worn and battered hat.
Wine bottle corks hung around this hat and jiggled from the brim.
His face set firm and resolute, as times were always grim.
Endless cold nights in the bush watching wood smoke drift; lazily ascending,
and as the blackened embers shift, the red blue flames are bending -
against a veil of darkest night, forming pictures in the firelight –
that confirm his sorry plight.

Remembering the past times, then new vision filled with hope
but recalling the potential of a hardened hangman's rope.
So he pounded dirt with battered boots causing dust to rise on high
while flicking a twitch; aimlessly, to chase the cursed black bush fly.
He oftime camped down overnight by a big, grey ghost gum tree,
his only companions for respite comprised but only three.
A swag and his old cattle dog, known by the name of 'Blue,'
and a picture of his Mother,
that by now ---- he barely knew.

Now, today he must seek white smoke, billowing in the sky
so he can scrounge more foodstuff suitable for a rabbit pie.
Some flour, some salt and onions, also black leaf tea,
to add them to his dwindling swag must be his earnest plea.
Station wives can be friendly, 'specially if you 'tips your 'at'.
He will do work, if it must be - but that's the end of that.

Wild rabbit stew, it surely is, a rare bush tasty treat,
taken with dry damper, but nothing else to eat.
Washed down with a dark liquid, known as
'billy tea' brewed by the fire before bedtime,
underneath the ghost gum tree.
Open up the swag, then spread out, his dusty blanket roll
with only 'Blue' beside him, to ease his troubled soul.
Awake again at daybreak, before the searing sun would rise,
roll up the Swag, prepare again to fight - the cursed black bush flies.
Off for the far horizon, just seven miles across the flat,
the outback roads are endless this far from Oodnadat.
But the horizon keeps on shifting. It's still seven miles ahead
so he must keep on moving even though his boots are lead.

Return to Sydney 'big smoke', unlikely. Too late to start anew.
The drifting must be ceaseless. His presence known only to 'Blue'.
Travelling the Australian outback, many a mile and more,
never again to see the harbour : Port Jackson, or a sandy shore.
Not knowing the ceaseless anxiety that forced him and his brother to part.
Not knowing the pangs and the heartbreak that eventually, withered his mother's heart,
he continued his rambling and searching wanting life to tell
a more pleasant and loving story - Than ever before befell.

(c).Rimeriter. revised 21/7/11.

[Bob Pacey]

Same for Me Jim, like the read and the story. I love the old bush yarns.

Like Marty I found it a bit Jumpy in places and not flowing.

Now I'm the last one to talk to about Metre so one of the more experienced Written poetry members might comment.


Still I know what I like.

Bob

[william williams]

Same thing from me Jim, me and metre we just aren't mates but a good yarn anyway

bill the old battler

[Zondrae]

Rimeriter,
Welcome to the site. We are a very mixed mob. About the only thing we have in common is a love of rhyme and metre verse about Australia. If you are looking for comment on your work, we are pleased to offer it. Any advice also comes with the proviso that the writer is the master of a poem and advice can be ignored.(and often should be)

This section is more for an introduction as to who you are and your experience in poetry. Not really ment for poems. If you repost your poem in the users poetry section this one could be deleted. I guess my habits from working in a large office and always putting things in their proper place has not worn off.

Again, welcome to the site. If you are a member of the ABPA you can post most places on the site. I will be looking out for your next post.

[Bob Pacey]

Might be best if you just move the whole lot over Zondrae ???

Bob

[Zondrae]

G'day Bob, I tried...but

I do it so rarely that I've forgotten how. (Like a lot of things)

[Zondrae]

ooowww that's scary. It has moved to the right spot.



I don't think I did it. But I feel better now. Filing must be done precicely otherwise we would never find anyting.

[Bob Pacey]

Zondrae

I do it so rarely that I've forgotten how. (Like a lot of things)[/quote]


See that's the little quips I was talking about just enough to keep me guessing.

Let me ask though Do you have a nickname ??????

Walking on quicksand now.

Bob

[Maureen K Clifford]

Hi Rimeriter - this is a terrific yarn with great possibilities. Like the others have said it is a bit rough in spots and the layout isn't particularly user friendly - stanzas of different lengths are fine but usually there is some structure within the piece which is missing here. That is no big problem but does make it easier for people to read...more appetizing like the gravy on a steak...half of the delight of a good meal is the appearance.

Just did this to try and help you and this is only to give you the idea of what we are saying and was done in haste so is not technically perfect but I think you will see how by just shuffling a few words around it makes for a smoother read. Your to choose or loose as always


The Drifter.


A solitary Swagman back in the days of old
wandered alone along bush tracks; so now this tale is told - -
It was the dark depression days, hard times that sealed his fate.
No money, food, or friendship from the tender age of eight
Fatherless from a broken home, back alleys were his haunt,
he mixed with bar room boys and pros, his abilities he'd flaunt,
within the streets of Sydney Town - he sometimes turned to crime.
He was known to Cops but never caught. He did not do his time.

His brother imparted wisdom meant to bring him to the fore,
but he still pursued those angles that were frowned on by the law.
His darkest hour was one, which caused a young man to be killed.
No other nefarious adventure. Another’s life he suddenly stilled
and it wasn't quite by accident. Within the local timberyard,
he struck a short, sharp sudden blow – caught the young bloke off guard.

Long years ago his fruitless trek had started. After that,
he began tramping the 'Long Yards', wearing a worn battered hat.
Wine bottle corks hung around this hat and jiggled from the brim.
His face set firm and resolute, as times were always grim.
Endless cold nights he sat alone, his fires smoke lazily ascending,
he watched the blackened embers shift, red blue flames twisting, bending
forming pictures in the firelight - bright against the dark nights veil
and images of his sorry life his senses did assail.



Hope that helps you a little


Cheers

Maureen

[Rimeriter]

"G'day" and thanks to everyone. The feedback is marvellous and the guidance will certainly be useful.
Do I understand that my 'Post' has been successfully relocated ?
Hope so, because I'm sure I would bu##er it up should I try it myself.

I will cut and paste the part rewrite to be able to study it more closely against my hard copy.

Now, to intro. 'Outback Jack' and post it into the correct area from this 'page' do I click - General Bush Poetry Veranda(h) above ?
"ooroo"
Jim.