I thought that was well done Marty.
I think your ability to work the rhythm of the metre is improving greatly ( hope that doesn't sound supercilious, it's meant be encouragement )
And the way you have used the enjambment (or wrap around, the sense of the lines running into the next line ) is excellent. That makes good variety in the rhythm and pace of the verse.
The theme is an all too often story. One of the most tragic ends to a life that I can think of.
Save a spot for me
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Re: Save a spot for me
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
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Re: Save a spot for me
G/day Marty,
I often stop to think of my dad, I was fortunate that although he lived a long life he never suffered dementia.
A touching poem Marty
Terry
I often stop to think of my dad, I was fortunate that although he lived a long life he never suffered dementia.
A touching poem Marty
Terry
- Zondrae
- Moderator
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Re: Save a spot for me
G'day Marty,
I didn't see my Dad for 14 years before he died. I have read the firstline of your poem. I can't get past that yet. My eyes keep melting or something. I'll get back to you later.
I didn't see my Dad for 14 years before he died. I have read the firstline of your poem. I can't get past that yet. My eyes keep melting or something. I'll get back to you later.
Zondrae King
a woman of words
a woman of words
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Re: Save a spot for me
Beautiful Marty, brought a tear to my eye and the memories of losing my Dad came flooding back. I dont think we ever truly appreciate the impact a parent has on our lives until we lose them.Your loss is felt in these beautifully written words.
Cheers
Sue
Cheers
Sue
the door is always open, the kettles always on, my shoulders here to cry on, i'll not judge who's right or wrong.
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Re: Save a spot for me
G'day Marty,
A great poem, it would be nice to think we will be reunited with our loved ones one day, I sorta hope it is right but I am not too sure how I will go on judgement day. We are presently mourning the loss of my younger brother, MS finally won the battle he has been fighting for over 30 years, he was buried last week.....I wasn't present, it was a very hard day for me not being there, I was working away....it was a long day. I did manage to get down south and catch up with him a few days before he left us which was good...or as good as it can be....I am still struggling a bit, I would love to believe we will meet again one day. Your poem is great in that it suggests that they are not gone, just waiting, I hope you are right mate.
A great poem, it would be nice to think we will be reunited with our loved ones one day, I sorta hope it is right but I am not too sure how I will go on judgement day. We are presently mourning the loss of my younger brother, MS finally won the battle he has been fighting for over 30 years, he was buried last week.....I wasn't present, it was a very hard day for me not being there, I was working away....it was a long day. I did manage to get down south and catch up with him a few days before he left us which was good...or as good as it can be....I am still struggling a bit, I would love to believe we will meet again one day. Your poem is great in that it suggests that they are not gone, just waiting, I hope you are right mate.
Ross
Re: Save a spot for me
Life's a bugger Ross. Very sorry for your loss. Hope he went easy in the end.
Heather
Heather