Valleys of Veges and Fountains of Fruit

[Stephen Whiteside]

Good example.

[Bob Pacey]

You are gonna do in what is left of my head Stephen and a snicketty poo to you too.




Robert.

[Stephen Whiteside]

That's the spirit, Bob!

[worddancer]

This is brilliant, a nonsense poem and tongue twister, gallooping (not a spelling error) along at great pace.
It would keep Graeme Base busy for a year.
You give me Psychedelic pictures in the mind!

Thanks for the treat, Stephen,

[Stephen Whiteside]

Martyboy, Worddancer - glad you both enjoyed it.

[Zondrae]

G'day Neville,
My point was only that, - if you are conforming with 'rhyme and metre' rules for 90% of the poem, why not make it 100%.

Morning Stephen,
I was only my intention to give an example. I feel the consistent R & M at the end of the line, is more important then the internal rhyme. Perhaps just switch the two lines around, completely. I haven't anlalysed it that closely. I am a little too distracted with other things at the moment to spend too long online. But as always, the author is the master, not the reader.

[Stephen Whiteside]

Yes, I think what I might do is put the first and last verses in italics. That way it signals to the reader that they are to be treated slightly differently and separately to the main body of the poem.

[Zondrae]

Good On Ya Stephen,

and a good idea to do this. recently I wrote something where I put a row of about 5 asterisks and then a final stanza to 'wrap up' the story. Can't remember the poem at the moment, (must have been a homework poem) only the separation.

[worddancer]

hi Stephen,

Please...., don't change to much of this wonderful vision; a word here and there won't hurt, I suppose.
Thirty seven verses need the same number of pages to tell how the end of the story goes.
The story goes crazy and makes the mind hazy, and for a forty page book; it's right on the nose.

Thanks again,




Worddancer
I've just read it again; it really does leave a smile on the face! (and that's a better exercise than frowning.)

[Stephen Whiteside]

No, worddancer, I won't change it any more. I'm really pleased you enjoyed it so much. It was an exercise, really - start with a completely blank mind, and see what happens. This is the complete opposite of my normal approach, which is to do a lot of pretty serious thinking before I begin to put pen to paper - so it's good for me. Pushes my envelope a little. It's risky, but also fun to see if my subconscious eventually turns something up - and if so, what! For a while I thought about chopping out some of the earlier verses so I could cut to the chase more quickly, but when I had a closer look at it, I saw it was all very organically bound, and not very easy at all...so I just decided to leave it alone, as you suggest.