Collaborative poem 3 - Beneath Her Wing

[Zondrae]

I'll let someone else put a name to it.

We sheltered there, beneath her wing, in days before it all began.
Our youth and innocence the thing protecting us from boy to man.
Still blind to horrors up ahead we vowed to stand beside our mate
and stand we did in life and death at meet again at Peter's gate.

(note:if you don't like it I won't be offended, speak up please. Somehow when I saw the picture this just sprang out!)

[Frank Daniel]

Still blind to horrors up ahead we vowed to stand beside our mate
and stand we did in life and death at meet again at Peter's gate.

Beautiful words, I think it should read '....in life and death and or to meet again at Peter's gate.

With as good a start as this, it suddenly becomes hard to follow up with something as good.
good on ya Zondrae.

Joe

[Zondrae]

oh you're on the ball Joe,

My hand written draft has "to meet". I didn't pick up the typo when I posted it.
I shall go back and edit it.

[Zondrae]

Beneath Her wing

We sheltered there, beneath her wing, in days before it all began.
Our youth and innocence the thing protecting us from boy to man.
Still blind to horrors up ahead we vowed to stand beside our mate
and stand we did in life and death to meet again at Peter's gate.
ZK

Beneath her wing we made a vow, we six young men, on battle's edge
that each man would, like brothers true, hold fast in courage, keep this pledge.
If one should fall as victim of a bullet from the dreaded foe,
then one of us would write a note to those back home, to ease the blow.
ZK

[Zondrae]

mmm

Looks to me that st2 will have to move as the piece develops. I'm going to sleep now. Can't wait to see what happens overnight.

[Terry]

Beneath Her wing

We sheltered there, beneath her wing, in days before it all began.
Our youth and innocence the thing protecting us from boy to man.
Still blind to horrors up ahead we vowed to stand beside our mate
and stand we did in life and death to meet again at Peter's gate.
ZK

Beneath her wing we made a vow, we six young men, on battle's edge
that each man would, like brothers true, hold fast in courage, keep this pledge.
If one should fall as victim of a bullet from the dreaded foe,
then one of us would write a note to those back home, to ease the blow.
ZK

Beneath her wing we talked of home, of sweethearts , mums and familes missed
of where we lived and who we loved before the day came to enlist
Our home away from home was made , beneath the palms on Moratai
We spoke of hopes and dreams of youth, our will to live to get us by
MB

But little did we know back then, of all the horrors of a war,
our youthful type exuberance had blinded us to what’s in store.
We felt we were invincible; six mates who gathered there back then,
though little more than boys at first, we’d soon be trained as fighting men.
TP

[Zondrae]

Beneath Her wing

We sheltered there, beneath her wing, in days before it all began.
Our youth and innocence the thing protecting us from boy to man.
Still blind to horrors up ahead we vowed to stand beside our mate
and stand we did in life and death to meet again at Peter's gate.
ZK

Beneath her wing we talked of home, of sweethearts, mums and familes missed
of where we lived and who we loved before the day came to enlist.
Our home away from home was made , beneath the palms on Moratai
We spoke of hopes and dreams of youth, our will to live to get us by.
MB

But little did we know back then, of all the horrors of a war,
our youthful type exuberance had blinded us to what’s in store.
We felt we were invincible; six mates who gathered there back then,
though little more than boys at first, we’d soon be trained as fighting men.
TP

Beneath her wing we made a vow, we six young men, on battle's edge
that each man would, like brothers true, hold fast in courage, keep this pledge.
If one should fall as victim of a bullet from the dreaded foe,
then one of us would write a note to those back home, to ease the blow.
ZK

Though newly pinned with angles wings, on shoulders that were born to fly,
our squad, like many families, was split, we only wondered why.
Deployed to fight the enemy, on carrier or foreign parts
but vows we made beneath her wing were deeply carved upon our hearts.
ZK

Note: I don't 'love' the middle two lines...open to rearranging or rewording.. Peely?
but I wanted to keep the momentum going ... and I'm off Christmas shopping.

[Maureen K Clifford]

BENEATH HER WING

We sheltered there, beneath her wing, in days before it all began.
Our youth and innocence the thing protecting us from boy to man.
Still blind to horrors up ahead we vowed to stand beside our mate
and stand we did in life and death to meet again at Peter's gate.
ZK

Beneath her wing we talked of home, of sweethearts, mums and familes missed
of where we lived and who we loved before the day came to enlist.
Our home away from home was made , beneath the palms on Moratai
We spoke of hopes and dreams of youth, our will to live to get us by.
MB

But little did we know back then, of all the horrors of a war,
our youthful type exuberance had blinded us to what’s in store.
We felt we were invincible; six mates who gathered there back then,
though little more than boys at first, we’d soon be trained as fighting men.
TP

Beneath her wing we made a vow, we six young men, on battle's edge
that each man would, like brothers true, hold fast in courage, keep this pledge.
If one should fall as victim of a bullet from the dreaded foe,
then one of us would write a note to those back home, to ease the blow.
ZK

Though newly pinned with angles wings, on shoulders that were born to fly,
our squad, like many families, was split, we only wondered why.
Deployed to fight the enemy, on carrier or foreign parts
but vows we made beneath her wing were deeply carved upon our hearts.
ZK

We fought the Japs in Tarakan with Kitty hawks up in the air
Spitfires and Bristol Beaufighters which gave no quarter anywhere,
and young and fearless all were we, invincible or so we thought;
though soon the War Gods sent their bill the price was paid. ‘twas blood they sought
MKC

[Peely]

G'day Zondrae

How does this sound?

Though newly pinned with angled wings on shoulders that were born to fly,
our squad, like many families, was split to face the foe on high.
Deployed where orders took us off to many strangely foreign parts,
but vows we made beneath her wing were deeply carved upon our hearts.

Also in Terry's post, I picked up a change of tense in this line:

our youthful type exuberance had blinded us to what’s in store. (what's is what is, not what was unfortunately)

I would suggest:

exuberance of youth had blinded us to what would be in store.

Regards


John Peel

[Terry]

Thanks John,
I knew it was out, just hadn't got around to fixing it, but will do now, seeing you have sorted it out for me.

Cheers Terry