A ruling please.

[Wendy Seddon]

Hi gurus, is the below rhyming pattern acceptable?

Proudly sitting on her stool
beside the door on earthen floor,
mother taught the Golden Rule-
as spirit food for growing brood.

Never idle, work worn hands
wove rags for mats and grass for hats.
Pioneering toughest lands,
her major goal – my fledgling soul.

Wen

[Mal McLean]

Yes.

Mal

[Stephen Whiteside]

I suppose the question is, 'acceptable to whom?' I'm not even sure what 'acceptable' means. I do not find the pattern 'unacceptable', but I would find it more satisfying if the ABAB pattern was maintained throughout the whole poem, and not abandoned in the final line.

[Stephen Whiteside]

I've just realised that 'brood' and 'floor' don't rhyme either. It was the double 'oo's' that threw me.

[Zondrae]

G'day Wen,

I have looked through this little poem several times and it appears to be spot on to me.

You have first and third lines rhyming and an internal rhyme in the second and fourth line of both stanzas. There are as many rhyming patterns as you can think of, plus one. The tricky part is keeping it 100% consistent through out the poem.

Some poems have no end rhymes and rely on internal rhymes throughout.
As I have said before, the hard bit is to have the exact same stress pattern along with the rhyming pattern in every stanza of the poem.

[Wendy Seddon]

I've kept it going for 6 stanzas so far
but am reluctant to post the whole thing,
you know - the published argument!

[Stephen Whiteside]

Yes, I get it now. Reading too quickly.

[Neville Briggs]

I suppose the question is, 'acceptable to whom?' I'm not even sure what 'acceptable' means

My thoughts exactly..

Oh Zondrae our nice run of agreement has come to an end.
I am sure that there is no requirement for every stanza to have the exact same stress pattern and rhyming scheme. If that is what the writer wants, then so be it.
I think a bit of variety in the format is worth considering at times, and there is no crime in that. As long as the pattern was generally recognizable. I think variety should be done sparingly.

GO FOR IT WENDY.

[Rimeriter]

I agree - GO FOR IT WENDY.

Please allow me to read it all.

"Ta"
Jim.

[Bob Pacey]

Sitting on the fence. I'm with you in the variety stakes Nev, but with Zondrae in the orderly and consistent pattern for competition poem, but in saying that I'm only thinking of what Judges would look for.

I think some judges can sometimes be too pedantic and loose sight of what the writer is trying to do or say which can be rather stifling at times.


Looks good Wen, you have done well.


Bob