That *!%%##!! metre again!

[David Campbell]

Metre keeps cropping up as a real bugbear, so here are a few thoughts which may be of assistance.

Some comments that people make give an image of metre as something like a rather slippery eel that has to be grabbed, wrestled to the ground, and then jammed into a box where it can be beaten into submission. That is, there are all these rules dictated by somebody ‘out there’, and if we could only learn them all then everything would be OK.

I don’t see it that way. True, there are various types of defined metre that have names and, if you can remember them all and what they mean, well and good. But I can’t. It doesn’t seem all that important. To me, metre is something internal. It’s what you make of it, and if you only write for your own pleasure and that of your friends and family, then go with whatever feels comfortable. But if you want to write for competition purposes, think of metre as simply one tool among many (including rhyme, metaphor, imagery etc.) which you need to use to make your poem stand out from the crowd.

Visualise a judge picking up your poem as number 150 out of 200 in a competition. That judge only has a few minutes for something that’s probably taken you many hours to write, so you have to use that small window to make an immediate impression, to encourage him or her to move it into the ‘read-again’ pile. You have to use the tools at your disposal to communicate to the judge what’s in your head, and convince him or her that you know what you’re doing.

This applies to any form of written competition, from free verse to short stories. The judge needs to see the deliberate application of a set of skills, evidence of a clear strategy. You’re not standing there saying: “This is how it should be read. This is what I’m trying to say.” In terms of metre, the best education a competition entrant could have would be to watch a judge reading their poem for the first time…to hear the hesitations, the stumbles, the re-starts, and the frowns that accompany a poem that’s not working. The message is simple…give the judge as much assistance as possible. How? Here’s one suggestion.

Once you’ve got an idea, try to get a rhythm in your head. (Forget rhymes for the moment…they’re secondary.) For beginners, something simple like: de DUM de DUM de DUM de DUM (He never marched on Anzac Day) or DUM de DUM de DUM de DUM (Twinkle, twinkle little star). Don’t laugh at the second one…William Blake used that metre for his famous poem The Tiger (Tiger, tiger, burning bright…).

Then perhaps move on to something like: de de DUM de de DUM de de DUM de (I remember a walk in the valley) or, more complex: de de DUM de de de DUM de de de DUM de de de DUM (We are children of the river, the meander and the creek).

Does that last metric style have a name? Who knows? Who cares? The full verse reads:

We are children of the river, the meander, and the creek,
of the floodplain and the gully and the stream.
We are symbols of a landscape once abundant and unique
that now threatens to be no more than a dream.

The second and fourth lines follow the same rhythm as the first and third, but are shorter. Short alternating lines can be very effective. And what about the second-last example? Here’s the full verse as originally written:

I remember a walk in the valley
as sunlight brought warmth to the day,
and the ground-mist, a ghostly white carpet,
was silently stolen away.

The second and fourth lines begin with de DUM instead of de de DUM and you might say: “What’s going on? Isn’t that inconsistent?” Not if it’s written this way, which is just as legitimate:

I remember a walk in the valley as sunlight brought warmth to the day,
and the ground-mist, a ghostly white carpet, was silently stolen away.

The natural flow of lines is important, and one decision that often has to be made is how they’re broken up. So why did I use the shorter lines? Because of where the poem was going…there’s a sudden change in one of the later verses:

I remember the green of the valley
before it was ruined by man,
long before it was covered in houses
and all the pollution began.

It’s a personal choice, but I thought the shorter, more staccato lines worked better at that point. In this context, one way of approaching the ‘flow’ issue is to write what you want to say out as prose first...remembering that prose, too, should have its own rhythm. Then try to translate what you’ve written into verse…avoiding the temptation to switch things around awkwardly to force a rhyme. The rhyme should arise naturally, not dictate how a line is organised. This ‘write as prose first’ method can help to avoid forced rhymes.

You could also use a favourite piece of music as a starting point for a rhythm. Get the beat working in your mind and see if the words follow.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that metre shouldn’t be seen as a straitjacket, something you strap words into so tightly they can’t breathe. Make it work for you. Use it to enhance the impression you’re trying to create. Ask yourself: can I hear the music? And give the judge a reason to smile.

Cheers
David

[Maureen K Clifford]

So a $20 note pinned to the back of the page doesn't cut the mustard damn and I was saving up.

I am heartened by your words David both here and elsewhere as I struggle with my

dum diddy dum diddy dum diddy dum - BonanZa

[manfredvijars]

MAUSIE!!!! .... It's dum, diddy dum, diddy DUM-DUM-DUM - BonanZAAAA

.... SHEESH ... don't you know metre Gal ???

[Mal McLean]

Ya know when I was writing a recent HC poem I realised straight away that I had adopted the beat of 'Running Bear' . I thought, I am on to something here. It made it a lot easier through the sticky bits and then the rhymes followed. Now Sir David Campbell of the Order of Poets (OP) spilled the beans! Thanks David, a well written insight that will help many of us I'm sure.

Kind Regards

Mal

PS Is the gist of that included in the "tips" section on the main ABPA site. If not...perhaps it should be.

[Heather]

Very helpful as always David.

And I was really impressed with the spelling of: *!%%##!!

Heather

[Bob Pacey]

I tried to find that word in my dictionary ?????


Can not check the spelling but it looks right to me .


Thankd David great info.

Bob.

[Zondrae]

Thanks David,

You say it so eloquently. Your lesson is most poetic. I have been stuck in a rut lately and I don't think I've written much for months. This little epistle has given me hope. I shall take up my pen and see what comes out. I did have an idea when I was making the bed this morning.. now what.. was ..it. mmm should have written it down.

Now think music.. "The hills are alive with the sound of music.. with songs they have sung ... for a thousand years.........zzzzz........zzz....zz

[David Campbell]

Sadly, Maureen, all that cash ($1000 notes, anyone?) has been well and truly snaffled by the time the poem gets to the poor old judge! But, of course, we're incorruptible...the Eliot Nesses of the poetry world.

Manfred: They don't make shows like that any more, do they? And remember 'Peter Gunn'? Now there was a theme tune...

Ah, Mal, 'Running Bear' really takes me back. That thumping, booming bass...and what a story! We had a clunky old floor-standing record-player/radio at home and I used to crank that song up until the whole place reverberated.

Thanks, Heather and Bob. I wasn't sure whether 8-symbol expletives would get by the censor! And it's in the dictionary, Bob...between *!%%##** and *!%%##*!!#

Zondrae, go for it! Music is a great way to kickstart an idea if inspiration is lacking...and there's nothing wrong with "The hills are alive..." For example, a (slightly soppy) love lyric:

You've broken my heart and I sit here weeping
The days drift on by, and I'm all alone...etc etc

or, in a very different mode:

In valleys of tears there are young men dying
In far distant lands a long way from home...

or, changing again:

I'm getting so old that my parts are rusting
I'm scared they'll fall off 'cause they need a lube...(anyone game to finish that one?)

So grab a tune and have some fun!

Cheers
David

[Maureen K Clifford]

was that a catheter tube you required Marty or just oxygen

[Rimeriter]

All very interesting stuff.

"Thank you", everyone.
Jim.