My Late Brother

[DollyDot]

Coming Home © Dot Church, edit 2012

I went to town to bring my brother home today.
He’s been away a while; you see he’s been away!
I am quite excited that’s he coming back with me.
We will be home together, there in time for tea.

P’rhaps we’ll talk of fishing and where to catch a prize.
I will heed what he says and take his sage advice.
We’ll talk of the old times; we’ll have a beer or two
and there could be other things we will choose to do.

Sit at the old back table amid the humming flies;
and I know he’ll tell me all his usual lies.
About the barra he caught: the crabs he got last week;
a tall story each time that he begins to speak!

I picked him up this arvo; he’s now home with me!
It makes me feel quite settled; it’s been some time you see.
A better brother there’s not. He’s one of the best.
Yes, my brother is back - he’s home to have a rest.

Yes the Lord has done what we could not do down here!
He is quite able to relax and have a beer.
His suffering is over; I’m sure that he’s at ease;
as only God could find a cure for his disease!

Well now he doesn’t have to fear, he’s here with me.
Yes my brother’s here with me and I just want all to see -
though I’ve had to put him up on the shelf so high
at least he’s with me. I don’t have to say good-bye.

[manfredvijars]

There are elements of this piece that I really like and there are some that I stumble over. I see this is your 2012 'edit' ...

If you don't mind, I'll let this one peculate a bit then I'll "PM" you?

[DollyDot]

Thankyou Manfred - I wrote it a couple of years ago and at the time my pain was raw I feel I may have lost something in trying to 'fix' it. I appreciate any help.

'bye
Dot

[Maureen K Clifford]

Understand your thoughts well Dot it is a lovely poem written from the heart, perhaps a little shining required. I have sent you a PM

Cheers

Maureen

[DollyDot]

Thanks again Maureen!

[Neville Briggs]

I like it Dot, I think you've done well.

I'll be the usual annoying dissenter, I think the heartfelt message is what matters here,
I couldn't see any "technique " items that needed changing.

This is something from your real experience, something you just " had to say " which I think carries it along.

[keats]

Great poem Dot. Loved it. Sure the meter could be polished, but when we write out of raw passion then this is what pours onto the page. It is at a later date we can polish those emotional words into gems. (ps. I won't tell you about when I dropped my brother off fishing)

Neil

[Heather]

I liked it too Dot, it's raw and from the heart.

Heather

[Dave Smith]

Dot living through these times is very hard, writing about them helps with the healing and coming to terms.
Posting your thoughts takes courage and we thank you for that.

TTFN Dave.

[Rimeriter]

It's all been said mate.