Homework w/e 5/8/13. Truck and Dog.

[Neville Briggs]

TRUCK AND DOG


Start the truck,
Room,room.
Dog jumps,
Rarf,rarf.
Down the track
Find sheep,
Rarf, rarf.
Round up daggy sheep
to treat.
Rarf, rarf.
Off we go,
Room, room,
Rarf, rarf.

[Maureen K Clifford]

Perhaps a little more description could help this along Neville - what kind of sheep were they and what breed was the dog? How big was the truck? Why would he/she take a truck to muster sheep? They're not the most negotiable vehicle in sheep country. Was it the truck making the rarf rarf noise? - do hope it wasn't the dog as it could be crook. What treat was in store for the sheep? They are partial to corn but perhaps the farmer had another treat in mind. I know you are an advocate of show don't tell Neville but I find the picture a little too unclear for any picture to come to my mind. You can do so much better

Appreciate you kicking it off Neville - lucky I didn't do the same

[Neville Briggs]

It's a poem

[Bob Pacey]

oh Maureen where has your imagination gone ?

The only thing I would change Nev is leave out the "find sheep" and the "to treat" making the Raff and the Room Room some sort of chorus and perhaps Vroom Vroom would be better


Cheers Mate

Bob

[keats]

Or maybe

Start the truck,
Find sheep,
Off we go,

[Maureen K Clifford]

add in the seven dwarfs -

Hi ho Hi ho start the truck,
and off we go,
to find the sheep that have been lost
with fleeces white as snow.

It's your poem Neville - don't be put off by naysayers

[Neville Briggs]

Encouraging and constructive comments are always useful, Maureen.
There are no crummy efforts in workshops, that's where we try out things without worrying about the correctness monitor watching over us.

[alongtimegone]

I didn't know there was a correctness monitor Neville. Now I'm worried. May never post again.
Wazza

[Neville Briggs]

The correctness monitor is our own concern about "getting it right" all the time. Some people have confessed to being inhibited by this concern. John Witworth reckons we should write something deliberately " wrong " occasionally to overcome our inhibitions about correctness. My intention in saying that ( and also in part why I posted this bit of verse ) is to encourage people to " have a go ", regardless.

So Warren, please, don't worry, keep up the posts.

[Neville Briggs]

Ah Bob, I've thought about your suggestions. It's only a bit of silliness, not worth fiddling with any more.