My Adviser

[Gary Harding]

My Adviser

I had once a sum of money I am proud to say was mine,
And I kept it in a drawer which I thought was very fine,
And I told my friends about it who remarked 'twas very nice,
But my thinking was old-fashioned, what I needed was advice.

So I went to see a chappy who they said would cure my cares,
And he told me to invest it into stocks and bonds and shares
Which I did with no compunction and my heart was full of glee,
And I thanked him as he started to deduct his proper fee.

But the market went all downwards as the interest values rose,
So I went to my Adviser just to try and cure my woes.
"These things happen, never worry, just get in to property,"
Said he calmly as he offered to deduct his normal fee.

So I summoned up my courage and I bought a block of land,
In an area he told me that would soon be in demand,
But it somehow, really, nearly, never quite worked out that way,
So I went up to his office just to see what he would say.

"Land alone is always chancy, what you need to get is rent.
You should put your hard earned money in a fund called Provident."
— So I spent my lesser fortune for I wouldn't dare suggest
Not asiduously following the one who should know best.

Well the government changed office and opinions, naturally,
And they took the view that rent was bad and that it should be free,
And the value of my savings seemed to dwindle overnight,
So I sought out my Adviser just to try and set things right.

Well he offered his condolences and shouted me a drink,
Then with a look of deep intent he started in to think.
"Put your money in technology and newer smarter ways,
Better sewers, better mousetraps, you can mark my words it pays!"

— So I took my tiny balance, I could scarce afford his fee,
And instead I bought a ticket in a wealthy lottery.
And the secret of my fortune stays a secret to this day,
My Adviser says he knew I'd gain by doing things his way.


Gary Harding

[Vic Jefferies]

Great poem Gary with more than a touch of Lawson about it.
I went to see a financial adviser once and after looking him up and down I wondered why I was going to pay someone to advise me what to do with my money who obviously had far less than I did.
They reckon Wall Street is the only place where people arrive in chauffeur driven Cadillacs to receive financial advice from someone who caught the subway to work.

[Gary Harding]

I agree with what you say Vic and I am pleased you enjoyed the poem.

It was meant to be more humerous than profound.

Your comment about Lawson is interesting. As you likely know, he wrote a piece entitled "My Literary Friend" and this was the inspiration for this poem. Henry would keep going back to his knowledgeable Friend for suggestions on a poem, until finally the friend said the poem reminded him of something "he had somewhere read before!" I use the rhyme of mine/fine in the first two lines as well.

As for real advisers? I have no idea if they are good value. Anyway probably like most people, I am quite able to lose my own money effectively without any outside help to do it !! (mining shares!)

It would be really nice to read any good Chrsitmas poems of ABPA members .... as it is such a sentimental time, isn't it.. Christmas in the bush... ?