camping

[william williams]

let me know what do you think bill the old battler

CAMPING

Quiet is the morning,
before the sky begins to lighten,
and the dew, is heavy on the ground,
for the air is rather cold.

A mopoke say's his last goodbye
as his eyelids tighten.
While an old man stamps his feet,
to stop his toes from freezing

Then shuffles though the frosty grass.
with morning chores too do,
like, light the fire and boil the billy
while he is camping.

And by the fire he'll squat
to feel that cheery warmth,
as he watches the stars slowly disappear,
before the morning light.

Now the billy it is boiling
there's tea leaves coming forth,
to make a needed brew,
and welcome in the day.

The kookaburras are laughing,
magpies chortling too,
parrot's make a happy sound,
while welcoming in the day.

While he quietly sits
and peacefully thinks,
of those many memories
of years, camping on the track.

bill williams ©

[Neville Briggs]

It looks to me as a free verse arrangement. It's hard to say sometimes where the line breaks ( the metre ) should be in free verse unless one can discern the pattern that the writer has set up. In my opinion you have put the line breaks in the best places, so it flows fairly well and the pauses come at the places that give the mood of the piece. Why don't you work in a few more alliterations and consonance. The lines " with morning chores to do
like light the fire and boil the billy"
they have some of the echo sounds of assonance and consonance. More of that could be good to colour it up.

Otherwise it can become just prose chopped up, as the critics say.

( you said ' let me know what you think' )

[william williams]

Thanks Neville I am never sure what it is or if people like it or not


Bill Williams

[alongtimegone]

I like it Bill, especially your intro verse. Early morning in the bush, not yet light, cool, quiet, the way I imagine it would be as I've no practical experience.
I enjoyed the read.
Wazza

[Bob Pacey]

I would class it as a monologue Bill very descriptive and well done mate.


You paint a picture and that's the aim I reckon.

Bob

[Neville Briggs]

That's it Bob, OED says that a monologue is " a dramatic composition for one performer ", technically, dramatic includes comical, so monologue covers most bush poetry performance.

[Glenny Palmer]

I find Bill's poems/monologues very relaxing, especially when recited by 'himself'. They convey a peacefulness that our rush and tear society would do well to embrace. Nice one Bill. Thanks for sharing.

[Terry]

Brings back memories Bill.

You have described it well mate.

Makes me want to get back out there.

Terry

[DollyDot]

Very nice Bill! If you like it then it's right. I like it. I have chopped and hacked at a lot of my poems and then I no longer like them; although I do agree with Neville's comments but it is nice and refreshing the way it is!
thanks
Dot

[Gary Harding]

I enjoy the word-pictures that you paint Bill. Takes only a brief time to read but then in return, much pleasure gained from that time. Makes reading your work worthwhile. Please keep posting.