It's That Time of Year

Bellobazza · Post by **Bellobazza** » Mon Feb 28, 2011 10:04 pm

G'day Heather...
Nailed the internal rhymes girl!

Totally disagree with the notion that there is any problem with the line
"you thought to confuse us by boarding a cruise"

I know there will be groans from some, but...
Not only is it 'good english', it maintains the established metre: Iamb; Anapaest; Anapaest; Anapaest.

"you thought to con fuse us by board ing a cruise"

Eyes and ears open, but trust yourself too!
(you seem to be on a 4/4 jag at the moment?)

Cheers, Will.

Post by **Heather** » Thu Mar 03, 2011 4:18 pm

Thanks for the comments and suggestions folks. Kerrie is back from her cruise and said it doesn't feel that bad being 50. I'd have to say she doesn't look her age. In a couple of weeks we are going to have a "dinner" and I will present Kerrie with her poem.

John I originally had "you'd" instead of "to". Will re-assess.

Will - I based this poem on one that Keats had written "'Tis Christmas O'Leary". I liked the "tune" and it seemed to fit my topic and the way I wanted it to sound. I hope to do another with the feminine endings - just as an exercise to see if I can.

Heather

Post by **warooa** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:14 am

If ya short a stanza or two, Heather - these might fit?

Still, up comes the sun though you've reached half a ton
just entering another dimension
like skiing down hill the next form that you fill
we be for your old age pension

So enjoy the big boat, we hope that you float
and at nightime the starlight twinkles
dont squint at the sun (think; crows feet, hon)
ya laugh lines been ambushed by wrinkles

sorry the

made me do it

Neville Briggs · Post by **Neville Briggs** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 10:21 am

Marty !! Your additions are not maintaining , iamb, anapest, anapest, anapest.

Post by **Heather** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 10:40 am

Actually, I thought you were all a bit slow. I thought maybe some of you might have added to it. (Did the green scare you all off?) Thanks Marty, I reckon I could make those lines work.

Heather

Post by **Heather** » Sat Mar 05, 2011 1:57 pm

Marty I would never abuse my green powers - just ask Dave!

Maureen K Clifford · Post by **Maureen K Clifford** » Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:36 pm

It's not easy being green

Dave Smith · Post by **Dave Smith** » Sun Mar 06, 2011 12:10 am

There was this young lady called Heather
She could well have been under the weather
We don’t know if she’s prancing
Or if it’s just belly dancing
Perhaps we should just shorten her tether

Bellobazza · Post by **Bellobazza** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 7:51 pm

There was this young lady called Heather
not known for her cracking the leather.
The thing that she whips
is her swivelling hips.
A quite different thing altogether!

Cheers, Will.

Post by **Heather** » Fri Mar 11, 2011 1:52 pm

A lady can make her hips wiggle
And coins on her skirt ring and jiggle
She can gracefully sway
Though she finds with dismay
Her back is beginning to niggle!

ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

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