Feet of Clay

Post by **Nerelie Teese** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:58 pm

This was written and performed back in 2000 where it received a Commendation. It's well received wherever I present it and seems to be a bit of a conversation starter as well.

Feet of Clay

To so many he’s a hero with blazing guns and suit of iron
a defier of oppression and a man ahead of time
A symbol of the underdog and for their freedom he did fight
this martyr of the masses had the authorities in his sight
and he really bucked the system, he let 'em know he was around
stood true to his beliefs and really held his ground
Self righteous in his anger his frustration he let sway
and the legend of Ned Kelly is still held in awe today

My family at that time was farming nearby land
too busy with this struggle to have much interest in this man
Their brood of children was quite big and, like the Kellys, they were poor
but they were honest and hardworking and had respect for life and law
So through the saga of the Kellys they watched justice take its course
‘cause it really hurt my family when they stole great-granddad’s horse
Now this mightn’t seem like much but things were different in those days
and that’s why our folklore hero, to me, has feet of clay

Nerelie Teese
2000

r.magnay · Post by **r.magnay** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:05 pm

G'day Nerelie,

I know people will argue that Ned Kelly and his family were driven to be criminals...the same people will condemn vigilantes....I'm right with you...Ned Kelly was a murderer...why he was a murderer is irrelevant!...Yes it is a conversation starter and a good poem as well and worthy of the comendation!

Bob Pacey · Post by **Bob Pacey** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:11 pm

Bloody hell where did that go. I wrote out a reply but was a little quick to go back to the topic. The value of livestock to the early settlers cannot be overestimated. I have not studied the history of Ned Kelly but still liked your perspective.

Cheers Bob

Dave Smith · Post by **Dave Smith** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:15 pm

Makes ya wonder don’t it.

TTFN

Post by **Zondrae** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 7:39 am

G'day Nerelie,

Lets forget the Kelly's and look at the poem.
I don't usually make this type of comment on the site but as it is such a small thing I felt sure you woud not mind. It is obvious by the quality of your writing that you are not new at the craft.

Can I make just one little observation.? ( Hoping, also to further my learning process)
As a singular and a plural do not rhyme - at the end of the second last line ; could you have 'In his day' is stead of 'in those days' as it rhymes better with 'feet of clay' and it still makes sense and is correct English... I think.
What do you reckon?

Neville Briggs · Post by **Neville Briggs** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 8:31 am

Good on you Nerelie. "feet of clay " is a metaphor. Do you know it's origin.

Sorry to be my usual annoying self Zondrae, but my information is that many well established poets use singular and plural as rhyming words. As far as I know it's a type of near rhyme or slant rhyme , perhaps you could call it assonance, these are every bit as good as perfect rhyme.

Maureen K Clifford · Post by **Maureen K Clifford** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 9:50 am

I like it also and if you wrote this in 2000 seems you have a few po'ing years under your belt.

Why is that so Zondrae??? Doesn't seem particularly logical to me although no doubt it is one of the requirements for comp work, which is appearing to have more rules that Neds stay in H.M. establishments ever did and no doubt sees non complying poets hung by the neck as well. Guilty as charged your Honour.

Cheers

Maureen

Post by **Zondrae** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 4:15 pm

Afternoon all,

The way I understand - a rhyme .. has to finish with the same consonant. So y and s are not the same = not a rhyme.
If I was writing a poem I would not use it. The accompaning vowel is the same but the terminal syllable is not really a rhyme. I have made this mistake a while back and was corrected by a judge. It may even be in Glenny Palmer's tutorial, "Unstrained Melody". I will go and have a read. (later post: I did, it is. qed)

However, the minor change to the line of poetry was just my thought, and as we all know, it is the authors right to write whatever they wish.

Vic Jefferies · Post by **Vic Jefferies** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 4:26 pm

You are right Zondrae. Days and day do not rhyme. Days rhymes with gaze, day rhymes with bay. The plural of a word seldom rhymes with the singular form.

r.magnay · Post by **r.magnay** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 4:37 pm

except of course...."Fish".....

.....I know, I know....I'm going now.

ABPA - Australian Bush Poets Association

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