AUTUMNS REPOSE

[mummsie]

I'm struggling with this but as usual I'm always up for a challenge

AUTUMNS REPOSE
Autumn trees,
bearing gifts of natural consequence.
Falling leaves, resplendent, even in death.
Dancing,
wilting,
changing,
playfully undressing. Seeking repose while
bearing in mind winters plan.
Leaving,
until the dawn of spring.

[Maureen K Clifford]

works for me - I like it Sue

[Heather]

Yay, you did it! One small step......

I'm not qualified to say if it's good or not but if i have a couple of questions/suggestions if that's ok.

What sort of trees?

Beautiful. I wouldn't use beautiful myself. Why are the trees beautiful? How can you say they are beautiful without using that word?

I guess I'm saying i want more details.

[Neville Briggs]

Goodonya Sue.

Heather has some good points, naming things makes our verse more effective I think. I managed to find in the op shop a book on Australian wildflowers and one on garden trees and plants because I am hopeless at naming plant life. I think it is a valuable reference. For me anyway. I always have to keep asking, if I can find someone to tell me.

[mummsie]

Oh your so nosey
The word "beautiful" hopefully leaves the reader feeling the beauty of death. The colours of autumn signify leaves reaching the end of their term. Where else is death defined in such a beautiful way.
I have placed the word autumn in front of trees-perhaps that will enlighten the reader more.

Thank you for your thoughts all
Cheers
Sue

[Heather]

Nosey it is then.

I'll give an example. Recently i read a poem that mentioned a breeze blowing - i can't find it now i want it though. I am wondering is the breeze whispering, moaning, whistling, sighing, howling, .... so many ways to say a breeze is blowing.

A dray is moving up the road - I'd rather say it is groaning, trudging, moaning, creaking, lurching, moving inch by inch - all give an indication of how hard it is.

[mummsie]

Changed beautiful to resplendent and moved the line.

[Heather]

Are they maple trees?

Run Heather, run!

[mummsie]

Your trying-very trying!!

[Heather]

Falling leaves,
resplendent - even in death.

??