XXX
-
Peely
- Moderator
- Posts: 456
- Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 11:50 am
- Location: Tumut, NSW
Re: xx
G'day Heather
Have you been reading some Lawson lately? I base this on the fact that there is the reference to "the man he might have been" in Sweeney and that he also wrote one with a similar title called "The Men We Might Have Been" (which, interestingly enough has the same rhyming scheme - feminine a rhymes with masculine b rhymes, rhymed abab).
Whatever the case may be, I enjoyed what you have written. I think that you have done a very good job with the abab rhyming.
Regards
John Peel
Have you been reading some Lawson lately? I base this on the fact that there is the reference to "the man he might have been" in Sweeney and that he also wrote one with a similar title called "The Men We Might Have Been" (which, interestingly enough has the same rhyming scheme - feminine a rhymes with masculine b rhymes, rhymed abab).
Whatever the case may be, I enjoyed what you have written. I think that you have done a very good job with the abab rhyming.
Regards
John Peel
John Peel - The Man from Gilmore Creek
-
Heather
Re: xx
Good morning John, matt and Marty and thanks for commenting. Lawsonesque - I like that Marty 
I'm a bit of a Lawson fan and to date he is the main poet I have read. I think he is starting to rub off. This poem started off as a rewrite and it could have been about any restless soul but I found myself sitting here with a book of Lawson poetry in my lap as I wrote and I guess he took over. I read his biography a couple of months ago (Colin Roderick) and was struck by his unhappy life, his struggle with mental illness, alcoholism and poverty.
John I have read "The Men We Might Have Been" but it was some time ago. Spooky (not deliberate) that I used the same rhyming pattern. The line the man you might have been was a hint as to who it was about.
Heather
I'm a bit of a Lawson fan and to date he is the main poet I have read. I think he is starting to rub off. This poem started off as a rewrite and it could have been about any restless soul but I found myself sitting here with a book of Lawson poetry in my lap as I wrote and I guess he took over. I read his biography a couple of months ago (Colin Roderick) and was struck by his unhappy life, his struggle with mental illness, alcoholism and poverty.
John I have read "The Men We Might Have Been" but it was some time ago. Spooky (not deliberate) that I used the same rhyming pattern. The line the man you might have been was a hint as to who it was about.
Heather
-
Maureen K Clifford
- Posts: 8153
- Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:31 am
- Location: Ipswich - Paul Pisasale country and home of the Ipswich Poetry Feast
- Contact:
Re: xx
I'm going to have to get stuck in and read Lawson...I really like this Heather it is wonderful.
Cheers
Maureen
Cheers
Maureen
Check out The Scribbly Bark Poets blog site here -
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/
I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.
http://scribblybarkpoetry.blogspot.com.au/
I may not always succeed in making a difference, but I will go to my grave knowing I at least tried.
-
Neville Briggs
- Posts: 6946
- Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:08 pm
- Location: Here
Re: xx
G'day Heather, I seem to remember seeing a version of this one at another time, it looks good to me Heather.
It doesn't sound like Lawson to me , definitely a Knight original, but I think reading other poets and borrowing something of their style or approach is good practice, I think eventually your own style will happen anyway.
Robert Louis Stevenson began by studying other writers and writing in their styles as practice until eventually his own style sort of emerged without any forcing on his part.
It doesn't sound like Lawson to me , definitely a Knight original, but I think reading other poets and borrowing something of their style or approach is good practice, I think eventually your own style will happen anyway.
Robert Louis Stevenson began by studying other writers and writing in their styles as practice until eventually his own style sort of emerged without any forcing on his part.
Neville
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
" Prose is description, poetry is presence " Les Murray.
-
Heather
Re: xx
You are right Neville. I started off with three stanzas of an earlier poem and added to it and made it go on quite a different tangent but then didn't like the original first stanza (when your mind declines to settle and your feet refuse to stay, no time to boil the kettle, 'cause you must be on your way) and had to think of a new beginning. Couldn't imagine Lawson boiling the kettle somehow. Also changed the other two stanzas slightly.
It wasn't deliberately done in a Lawson style but he did use short lines and does alter the endings from feminine to masculine when he does ABAB rhymes sometimes. I guess that is the similarity but it wasn't on purpose - simply followed on from my original first stanza which came from who knows where.
It is fun playing around with different styles. I haven't done too many the same at this point.
Heather
It wasn't deliberately done in a Lawson style but he did use short lines and does alter the endings from feminine to masculine when he does ABAB rhymes sometimes. I guess that is the similarity but it wasn't on purpose - simply followed on from my original first stanza which came from who knows where.
It is fun playing around with different styles. I haven't done too many the same at this point.
Heather