Once Bitten

[warooa]

ps excuse the typing have lost the tip of my index finger complements of my dog. ps he didn't mean it

Did youse find it?

But seriously Bill, you've gotta feed that hound more often if he's (accidently) taking off body parts

there's gotta be a poem in there somewhere?

Sorry . . . got sidetracked Bob, (point the finger at Bill) I enjoyed the poem, mate.

Marty

[william williams]

warooa I did Marty but he demanded sweets and there is a tale about the problem all will be told soon as I can get the use of my hand

bill the old battler

[Maureen K Clifford]

is your little mate alright Bill? - Dodgy tucker can give them an awful upset stomach you know

[william williams]

To those who were interested about my finger try this for size

ONCE BITTEN

Now you see my left hand, she's all crippled, screwed up all small and tight.
But the rest of me she's alright, sort of as good as you would want.
Now there's a problem I have got, see me dog he bit me pointing finger, that's right,
so the doc he went and bandaged it, now it's sticking straight out in front.

Why the problems it did cause mate, I can tell you it's no flaming joke.
Like just the other morning to a wedding I must go, when trouble, it did occur.
Cause no bow tie did I have, so my neighbour she ties one for me, no joke,
along with my shoe laces and she helped me with my coat, and I thanked her

Well I'm ready for it, I'm dressed for the kill, excepting my hand.
And me hand, she's in a sling to protect the dam thing from harm.
And the wedding it's grand, for there's now a band upon her hand
For her radiant smile tells it all, as I heads for a stall with me charm

But it's a unisex rest room, with it's a modern innovation no doubt.
Well I unzips me fly an I grabs it but me finger it's in the darn way,
so I jump and I twist all about to empty my poor bladder out,
while trying franticly to keep my sore finger, out of the way,

Whew, that's done, but me bloody zip, she's gone and stuck,
an no fellas coming into here to help me with that thing.
But an old woman she must be sixty five, an saw me out of luck.
She said now it looks if you need help to get your fly unstuck.

Now you see, I was once a jockey, so I'm only short, but I'm young,
so I sits upon the basin bench, to help her with my lack of height.
She bent down and was fiddling with my fly, that's gone bung,
when a sexy woman came and smiled, and wondered at the sight.

Well she fixed my zip thank god for that, was all that I can say.
Now with my hand safely in its sling my finger stuck right out,
but I was quite thankful that cursed thing was out of harms way.
Now the reception was delightful the food was great no doubt.

And drinks were flowing freely, miss Jones was dancing on the tube
she was whirling like a top when she slipped, just as I turned around.
She grabbed me, to stop herself from falling, my finger stuck in her boob,
she smiled and said we'll meet an other time when you come round.

Well I was sorta out of balance, and went wobbling round the boards,
an miss Anne Walker dropped her walking stick, down on the floor.
And she bent to pick it up her dress shot up, exposing what was broad.
I grabber her with my left hand to steady, my right, went in her draws

You dirty filthy rotten beast she screamed, and hit me with her cane.
Tired coward and beaten my poor lonely life, will never be the same,
I left that party all forlorn, sore, and quite dishevelled and insane,
So back home to my poor old dog, but to his mouth I'll keep away.


BILL WILLIAMS THE OLD BATTLER

[r.magnay]

...better see if the good doc has a spare half hour to have a talk to you Bill....better make that an hour.......

[Neville Briggs]

You'll have to stop having pepperoni pizza before bedtime Bill if it gives you dreams like this.

[Glenny Palmer]

No no. It's all trooo! I got the inside info on it....well, the bit about the dog chewing off Bill's finger anyway. Wotcha expect when ya shove ya hand down his throat to extricate the 'cook in the bag' bag from ya lamb roast?..... (ungrateful little blighter)...

[Maureen K Clifford]

bit of a lamb-brained dog it would seem - Unusual for Jack Russells they're pretty smart

[william williams]

there is an old saying that my dog he don't believe. ONE SHOULD NEVER BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS HIM,

an it was only the tip of my finger an I did not think he liked roast lamb



the old finger tip missing battler

[Maureen K Clifford]

You dirty filthy rotten beast she screamed,....when someone thinks that a hopoate impersonation is about to take place this would be quite normal behaviour I would think. Best quit while you're ahead Bill.