I really like it but the layout doesn't work for me at all and I think the punctuation is a bit dodgy (sorry)
As it was set out I couldn't get any flow on to the words and that really cheesed me off because I was liking what was there. Had a fiddle and wondered if maybe this is something you might consider works better perhaps...but this is of course IMO and yours to use or lose
The Stones
A cairn was built
in a rev’rent way
by a godless man
on a joyless day,
and the blood that crept
from the bones that lay
where the stones now stood,
was his.
And he didn’t ask.
The godless don’t.
He didn’t weep.
The rev’rent won’t.
He turned, and stepped,
then paused, then kept
the beat of his lament ;
upon a path that led the way
already drawn through fates array
of dusk and dawn to where, upon
a patch of peace ordained.
The stones would fall as hob and hearth
and blood anew would love and laugh
and find and free a joy
too long restrained;
by stones that held upon the breast
that suckles, weans and calls to rest
the bones of what the flesh
must call the past.
Cheers
Maureen
