A SURE THING (for the Melbourne Cup.)

[Vic Jefferies]

A SURE THING!

I’d like to tell you a story about me and the Melbourne Cup;
how I was tipped the winner and in a horse race sold a pup!
Yes, everyone has a story about that legendary race,
but it’s rare you’re given the winner and the horse that fills last place!

It was way back in eighty two, a year I’ll always remember,
I was in a country pub on that first Tuesday in November,
I had been studying the form trying to decide what to do:
have a lash at a roughie or back the favourite number two,
when from the corner of my eye I saw this old bloke edging up,
and suddenly he was whispering, “Whadaya like in the Cup?”

I replied I wasn’t sure, I didn’t know the condition of the course
the old bloke said, “Son stop your thinking, I’ve got the winning horse!”
I thought, ‘I don’t like your chances Pop,’ ‘cause I’d heard it all before,
I knew the world is full of tipsters and invariably they’re poor.
This old man wasn’t any different, just one glance would tell you that:
from the holes in his worn out boots, to the thing he wore as a hat.

He said, “Mate, I know what you’re thinking, I can see it in your eyes,
Well cobber, anyone here will tell you, I aint the sort that lies,
I used to be a trainer and trained winners by the score,
at least until ‘The Great Inquiry’ back in nineteen fifty four,
But they all knows I was a champion, a legend in the game,
even though since they barred me, it hasn’t been run the same.

“I aint asking you for money, I am not that sort of a tout
you see getting around the place trying to hawk their tips about.
All I ask for my advice, and I wish to make it very clear,
is when I supply the winner, in return you’ll buy me a beer.”
Then he said, “Of course as a bonus if you care to shout a rum
I’ll also guarantee the horse who in last place is going to come!”

Most punters are unaware, it’s a very strange part of the game,
you can bet on the last place getter and win on it just the same.
Yes the bookies will take your wager on the last and first I knew,
perhaps that’s why I became inclined to see what he could do.
So I called the barman over and bought him a beer and rum
but as pop sank the schooner I saw that his victim I’d become.

The old man seemed to straighten up and in a voice loud and clear
(though I think his eloquence came from the empty schooner of beer)
announced, “Son, I’ll keep our bargain; now it’s me solemn duty
to declare the winning horse will be...‘YOU LITTLE BLOODY BEAUTY!’
He is the winning horse because there was never a race he lost,
that’s the name the lucky punters roar as they watch him pass the post.”

Then as he reached across the bar for the glass that held the rum
he said, “Don’t worry mate, I have more information yet to come,
I have learned from vast experience gained through years gone past,
‘YOU MONGREL!’ is sure to be the horse that comes in motherless last.”
Then as I gazed around the bar at the many grinning faces
I took it as another lesson learnt while dabbling in the races.

So then I went and placed my bets and settled back to listen,
but as they neared the end of the race my heart began to quicken,
and as the horses crossed the line, I screamed aloud with glee,
“I have backed the flaming winner, YOU LITTLE BLOODY BEAUTY!”
And across the bar there stood the old fellow smiling straight at me
saying, “Son me glass is empty - would you care to increase me fee!”

Vic Jefferies

[mummsie]

Loved this one Vic, very aptly written for this time of year.

Cheers
Sue

[Maureen K Clifford]

Love it Vic - very clever, and bloody true Although think You Little Ripper might well give You Bloody Beauty a run for the money this year and also hear Go you Good Thing is worth considering say no more

Cheers

Maureen

[Vic Jefferies]

Thank you Sue and Maureen. Hope you both have some luck in The Cup.

Vic

[Bob Pacey]

Not a truer word was spoken Vic. Good yarn


Bob

[Heather]

Good yarn Vic. Hope you have some luck Tuesday.

Heather

[Bob Pacey]

Picking the winner of the Melbourne Cup is not luck Heather ! There is a very rigid method employed to make sure that you have the winner.


That is to back every horse in the race and hope the outsider gets up.


Bob

[Vic Jefferies]

Thank you Bob and Heather glad you enjoyed the yarn. I am afraid this is about as close as I get to having any success with the gee gees.

Vic