I Wish I had Two Bob

[Bob Pacey]

Just gotta share this with you

An audience member gave it to me at one of my shows and a copy of his book .

Ray has given me permission to use it in my shows and I did it last night to a wonderful reaction

I Wish I Had Two Bob

Ray Jaensch (C)

I wish I had two bob for every time I’ve been in strife
For getting on the wrong side of my darling little wife.
I wish I had Two bob for all those silly things that she
Has done throughout our married life that really got to me.

I wish I had two bob for every time she’s burnt the toast,
Or dropped a cup, or smashed a plate, or undercooked the roast.
I wish I had two bob for every funny thing she’s said
And for the times she’s parked her frame on my side of the bed.

For every time she’s threatened me with violence late at night
Because I wouldn’t take her turn to rise and oust the bloody light.
For every time she’s banded me a gormandising slob
And for each time she’s cracked me one ---- I wish I had two bob.

I wish I had two bob for every favourite dish I’ve missed
Because she’s overlooked them on her weekly shopping list.
I wish I had two bob for all those headaches that she blames,
Each time she's not inclined towards a bit o’ fun and games.

I wish I had two bob for every time she’s been distraught
For every blouse and pair of shoes and each new dress she’s brought.
For every time she’s claimed she’s not a single thing to wear
And for each time she’s come to bed with curlers in her hair.

Now if I had two bob for all those failings I’ve described.
For all the inconvenience and displeasure thus derived
For all the intents and purposes I might as well be frank
I guess I’d be a fella with a few bob in the bank.

But if I had two bob for every time she’s held my hand,
For every time she’s helped me with a thousand things we’ve planned,
For every time that I’ve come home all loaded up with care,
To find her poised with open arms just waiting for me there.

Two - bob for every sacrifice she’s gladly made for me,
For every wholesome meal she’s cooked --- breakfast, dinner, tea
Two-bob for every pair of socks and shirt she’s washed of mine,
For each and every garment that she’s hung there on that line.

Two-bob for every time she’s cared for our three darling sons
Especially way back years ago when they were little ones.
For every time she’s nurtured us with tender loving care
Yes Folks, Two-bob for all of THOSE and I’d be a Millionaire!

[Maureen K Clifford]

I would have thought one Bob was enough to cope with (joking) but what a wonderful poem and you would perform this so well Robere - what a hoot. A lovely sentiment also.

[Glenny Palmer]

Hey Bobbo. That's bonza! A top poem...and...tailor made for you. What's even bonza-er is that I'd been trying to track down Ray to ask permission to do his poem 'Dan Bailey's Whatsaname.' Back in 1997 no one could give me his contact number so in desperation I just went ahead & performed it in the USA but always acknowledged his authorship. I should very much like to contact him for a belated apology & request for permission....can you pm me his contact details please? He is an extremely good poet, is Ray.

[Bob Pacey]

He definitely is that Glenny and a real gentleman as well. I have his book Life and laughter in rhyme and rhythm.


I will pm you the number he gave me and please say gidday for me.


Cheers Bob

[alongtimegone]

Bob that's just a beautiful poem. A bit embarrassed to admit it but my eyes were quite wet by the end of the read.
Wazza